IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

MORE AND MORE PEOPLE ARE BECOMING SERIOUSLY OVERWEIGHT. SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT THE PRICE INCREASE OF FATTENING FOODS WILL SOLVE THIS PROBLEM. TO WHAT EXTEND DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

#people #price #foods
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate over the fact that raising the
price
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 fattening foods is a way to tackle the increasing number of overweight people.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 idea has some downsides, I partially agree with it Without a shadow of a doubt, imposing a higher
price
Use synonyms
 on fattening foods curbs the rise in obesity. Clearly, not everybody can afford expensive foodstuff,
increasing
Correct word choice
and increasing
show examples
 the money in those unhealthy foods can greatly help people to consume it.
For example
Linking Words
, youngsters in Vietnam have a tendency to buy pizza,
fried
Correct word choice
and fried
show examples
 chicken to name a few because they are much cheaper compared to other
food
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if
this
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 became expensive to them, they would not be able to afford it.
Hence
Linking Words
, making the
price
Use synonyms
 of fast-
food
Use synonyms
 higher is an efficient way to reduce obesity.
While
Linking Words
 the beneficial advantage of rising prices on fast
food
Use synonyms
 in reducing obesity is widely acknowledged, its counterpart still lingers. It is undeniable that increasing the
price
Use synonyms
 of fattening foodstuff directly affects the economy since companies majoring in
this
Linking Words
 field may face financial strain and lose their market. To be specific,
McDonalds’
Change noun form
Mcdonald’s
Mcdonalds’
show examples
 or KFC can be cited as outstanding examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
. Customers know these brands for their affordable and cheap prices,
consequently
Linking Words
, if they change their strategy, they may face a decrease in profit of the company.
Thus
Linking Words
, increasing fees
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 may do more harm than good. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 a higher cost
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 may help address the health problems related to its consumption, it can negatively affect the economy of a nation, which is another severe problem.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: