IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that dangerous sport should be banned while others believe that people should be free to choose. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #sport
Some individuals believe that hazardous
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 should
prohibited
Change the verb form
be prohibited
show examples
, and others believe
otherwise
.In my opinion,
people
 should have
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to play any
sport
 they want regardless of possible risk. On the one hand, some members of society hold
idea
Add an article
the idea
show examples
 that the uncertain
sport
 should
banned
Change the verb form
be banned
show examples
. they think
people
 who engage in risky
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 are more likely to get serious injuries and even death.
For example
, every single day many
people
 pass away or get horrible injuries result of
fall
Wrong verb form
falling
show examples
 from
Everest
Correct article usage
the Everest
show examples
 mountains.
As a result
,
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
sports
 can have negative impacts
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 life and reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life expectancy.
On the other hand
, I agree with
thoses
Correct your spelling
those
 who think
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 should have
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to do any form of
sport
 for many reasons.
Firstly
, there is no doubt
thanks
Correct word choice
that thanks
show examples
 to advancements in technology.
This
 is because there are many safety
equipment
Change to a plural noun
equipments
show examples
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 helmets, face protection,
life
Correct word choice
and life
show examples
 jacket, which
this
 tools can provide
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 level of protection and minimize the risk of injuries.
Secondly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extreme
sports
 can contribute improve the economy of
host
Add an article
the host
show examples
country
. To illustrate,
this
 risky
sport
 can bring fame and attract many tourists to the
country
.
For instance
, numerous tourists visit New Zealand in order to watch competitions in skydiving
as well as
 climbing
mountians
Correct your spelling
mountains
.
Therefore
,
this
 can contribute to
boost
Change the verb form
boosting
show examples
 the economy of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
,
this
 is because the tourists will spend a considerable amount of money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 hotels, flights,
public
Correct word choice
and public
show examples
 transport. In conclusion, I totally agree that risky
sports
 should not be prohibited, because there are many
Change preposition
of protection
show examples
protection
Replace the word
protective
show examples
 equipment , and
also
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
sports
 can enhance the economy of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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