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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that the governments should pay for health care and education but others think that this is not the government’s responsibility. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #governments #health #care #education #government’s #responsibility
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There are some
people
 who believe that health and
education
 expenses should be covered by the
government
,
while
 others think that nations have other priorities.
This
 essay will explain that there is a heavier responsibility on the
government
`s shoulders which is a healthy
industry
. On the one hand, some individuals think that
people
`s health and
education
 can help the
government
 itself in turn. If the population of a nation is healthier, they can work better which leads to a better society.
Also
, if the number of educated
people
 is higher than the standards, they can solve more complex problems which a country faces .
As a result
,
this
 can lead to a successful nation.
However
, I believe that
people
 can prevent expensive expenses with a healthy lifestyle and the number of individuals who can solve nation-level problems is small.
On the other hand
, authorities have to pay a massive budget and considerable attention to
industry
.
People
 can cover their expenditures if they have adequate income. A
government
 should improve its
industry
 to a level where
people
 can have satisfactory jobs to earn enough money to cover their medicine and
education
.
Therefore
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 country that has its full attention on employment can make its
people
 independent of financial aid. In conclusion,
although
 some
people
 say that the
government
 should help society with its health and
education
 expenditures, eating healthy food will make
people
 healthier and covering the
education
 fees of a small number of geniuses can have little effect on the prosperity of a country, and it is far better for a nation to look at other priority which is a thriving
industry
.
Submitted by mohamad.m.sharifi74 on

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task achievement
To improve your task response, make sure to elaborate more on the key points in your essay. Provide more detailed arguments and use relevant examples to support your views.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well structured, linking phrases between paragraphs could be improved to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Make sure each paragraph transitions naturally into the next.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make sure that each body paragraph clearly supports the argument made in the introduction. Ensure that your points are logically organized and connected. Make sure to address counterpoints in a more thorough manner.
structure
Your essay had a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding your overall argument.
structure
The essay is well structured with logical arguments presented in a clear manner. This makes it easy for the reader to follow your train of thought.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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