IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Schools should focus more on teaching students how to be successful in the workforce and less on helping them to achieve academic success. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #focus #students #workforce #success
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, most of the education systems in the world encourage their
students
Use synonyms
 to obtain high scores in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of academics. But, it can be clearly seen that the awareness to train juveniles to face the problem of the real world, particularly in the workforce is emerging. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion and will give several elucidations in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Firstly
Linking Words
, formal score in the school is just for the school. Most of the grading system will be useless when the pupils immerse themselves in the job vacancy. Many companies tend to separate the real
skills
Use synonyms
 that
students
Use synonyms
 have and the score that they got in their education.
However
Linking Words
, they pay more attention to the
skills
Use synonyms
 related to the jobs and duties rather than the abilities to get some amazing education achievements.
For instance
Linking Words
, a technology company will ask the job seeker about the way they create a high-technology application and will not ask them what awards they got before when they were
students
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in terms of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rising entrepreneurship awareness, children in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school want to learn several concrete
skills
Use synonyms
 that will support their future as a businessman. At the same time, they tend to doubt the function of their scores. They crave more practice to be the best CEO rather than just spend their time learning unuseful subjects. The role models of the young generations these days are the big tech CEOs
such
Linking Words
 as Bill Gates and Sam Altman, two people that dropped out of their universities.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 case shows us that youths deserve to be successful people
through
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many ways, not only through the exam result.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that the lessons related to the working world are more important than the dead number,
due to
Linking Words
 two reasons.
First,
Linking Words
most companies believe in
skills
Use synonyms
, not scores.
Second,
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
 want to learn something that encourages their success in their business.
Submitted by sakinah.snr on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • workforce
  • practical skills
  • academic success
  • real-world application
  • adaptable skills
  • vocational training
  • holistic development
  • evolving job market
  • academic rigor
  • interdisciplinary
What to do next:
Look at other essays: