The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the healthcare system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #healthcare #system #effort #health #education #school

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Nowadays, the overweight population is much bigger than three decades ago

due to

Linking Words

the improvement

Change preposition

show examples

life, which caused

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

growing pressure on the healthcare system. To solve

this

Linking Words

problem, some people think that introducing more physical

education

Use synonyms

school

Use synonyms

should be given a try. Personally speaking, I'm definitely in favour of their opinions. First of all, teenagers in

school

Use synonyms

are firm fundamentals of

this

Linking Words

society

as well as

Linking Words

the bright future of human beings. As far as I observed, teachers are usually pushing a lot on

students

Use synonyms

' studies, tending to ignore their physical exercise.

As a result

Linking Words

students

Use synonyms

are not aware of the importance of building the body. Alternatively, drinks and snacks are so common and available in

school

Use synonyms

, I reckon that most

students

Use synonyms

adores

Change the verb form

adore

show examples

them just like me.

Therefore

Linking Words

, they couldn't consume these calories unless there are correct

education

Use synonyms

and guidance. In a word, relevant courses could be a key to

raise

Wrong verb form

raising

show examples

people's attention to managing their weight from an early stage.

Secondly

Linking Words

, the younger generation has a huge impact on their families and peers so their physical habits will be spread quickly and be adopted by more people.

Hence

Linking Words

education

Use synonyms

school

Use synonyms

could educate those who are not in

school

Use synonyms

, too.

For example

Linking Words

, one of my friends was born

Change preposition

into

show examples

a family where everyone was fat.

However

Linking Words

, he was in love with working out and persuaded his parents to do it together. One year later, their family obesity was gone. From my perspective, it is hard to find a perfect way to deal with the social problem though, finding a breakpoint

such

Linking Words

as physical

education

Use synonyms

school

Use synonyms

turns out to be a reasonable approach. In conclusion, I definitely support the idea to cultivate more physical content in

school

Use synonyms

. It's not only for those in

school

Use synonyms

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

for those related to them, basically everyone. Under

this

Linking Words

strategy, the 20s will have a good sense of controlling weight,

40s

Correct article usage

the 40s

show examples

will be told to do the same and when

students

Use synonyms

grow up into adults, they will pass the concept to the next generation. Anyway, the positive effect is a long-term thing in my opinion.

Submitted by wynton2020 on Tue Jun 13 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

355 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Childhood obesity
Healthcare burden
Physical education (PE)
Healthy habits
Dietary education
Lifestyle diseases
Socio-economic factors
Curriculum overload
Inclusivity in education
Sedentary lifestyle

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Dicuss both views and give your opinion
Success is the main purpose of our life. It is argued that hard work and determination lead to the accomplishment, but some people think that money and appearance are the crucial elements. From my perspective, I argue with the second statement.
6.5
band
Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects.Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
People have different views about the most significant lessons whether science and technology or history in the current world. In my opinion, both subjects are valuable however, I prefer to lean towards the former as I believe that it is vital to know more about science and technology.
5.5
band
Some people believe that the best way of learning about life is by listening to the advice of family and friends. Other people believe that the best way of learning about life is through personal experience. Compare the advantages of these two different ways of learning about life. Which do you think is preferable? Use specific examples to support your preference.
A part of the society believes that the guardians and friends are the best mode of learning about life principles but remaining agree on the fact that personal experience could be the better option for learning about life. I wholeheartedly agree with the second notion because committing mistakes and then improving them at next stage could be a excellent choice, along with this when humans try to learn by themselves this is a better option to explore individuals own qualities.
4
band
Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
In the contemporary world non spreading diseases become a catastrophy. Majority of produced food and beverages contain a considerable amount of sugar which are directed to various heath problem. Increasing the price of sugar contain products reduce the consuption of sugar items. I totally agreed with the given statement. This essay would discuss what are the reasons to accept the statement while providing evidence.
5.5
band
In many cities, there are areas of land that are used as parks. With increasing population levels, these areas would be better used to provide more housing. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Parks dominate significant areas in several nations, however, these areas can be used in a useful way, which providing more accommodations. From my perspective, I partly agree with that, I believe in urban, there should be extra parks in cities, which could assist people in finding parks for their vehicles easily, moreover, these parking lands have beneficial impacts in saving time for people particularly those who are businessmen. In contrast, many people prefer to live in cities to rural areas, as they are required to use these lands in establishing more houses This essay will illustrate some reasons.

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the healthcare system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Dicuss both views and give your opinion

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects.Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

In many cities, there are areas of land that are used as parks. With increasing population levels, these areas would be better used to provide more housing. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.