IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some children spend hous everyday on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#children #hous #smartphones #case #development
Smart-phones
Correct your spelling
Smartphones
show examples
 are the latest invented
product
 in
this
 world which is used by every person in
this
 world.
Children
 pass their time on the
smart-phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 everyday as they get information about anything easily on
this
 invented
product
. As
children
 spend hours on
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 different applications at
phone
Add an article
the phone
show examples
 to run
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
education
 and
studies
. As it can be positive or negative development
according to
usage
Add an article
the usage
show examples
 of
smartphones
 in the positive or negative way it depends on
children
. The
smart-phone
product
 is
essential
Add an article
an essential
the essential
show examples
 thing for people in daily life through
this
 invented
product
children
 spend hours daily routine in playing games, listening
songs
Change preposition
to songs
show examples
, watching cartoons and
also
talk
Wrong verb form
talking
show examples
 with their friends regarding their
studies
 as any task or assignment
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
given by their teachers. As it’s a positive development because
children
 do any of their
task
Change to a plural noun
tasks
show examples
 easily on the
smart-phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 through different applications in the smartphone.
However
, the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 spending time on
smartphones
firstly
children
 get information by using
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 as
children
 search through Google regarding anything about their
studies
 so they get information on
smart-phone
Correct pronoun usage
their smart-phone
show examples
 easily.
Secondly
,
children
 can talk to their teacher about their assignment given at home if any difficulty they are facing it so
teacher
Add an article
the teacher
a teacher
show examples
 can tell them about that on
smart-phone
Correct pronoun usage
their smart-phone
show examples
 by using video
call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
show examples
 or
zoom
Correct your spelling
Zoom
show examples
meeting
Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
show examples
 easily.
For example
, In Pakistan during
Covid-19
Correct article usage
the Covid-19
show examples
 situation
children
 get
education
 on
zoom
Correct your spelling
Zoom
show examples
 meeting
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
 application as distance
required
Add a missing verb
is required
show examples
 between people in
this
 disease situation these
smart-phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 help in providing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
.
To conclude
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
smart-phone
Correct article usage
the smart-phone
show examples
 is a technological
product
 which is used by every person anytime in their daily life.
Children
 use
smartphones
 more than other age people because they play different games,
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 documentaries,
videos
Correct word choice
and videos
show examples
 and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
communicate with their friends as well. As
children
 use
smartphones
 for their
education
 and
studies
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 to do research regarding anything on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
.
Submitted by bilaltip2000 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: