Children are taught to push themselves to be better than their classmates rather than to work together for everyone's profit. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Most parents teach their
children
to outperform others, and some schools even use
grades
to judge their
children
.
Although
there are some benefits,
such
as the chance to study at a top university.
However
,
this
also
has obvious disadvantages. The child may become an egoist, has no sense of cooperation, and is not accepted by the
team
. On the
one
hand,
one
of the main benefits of making
students
strive to be the best is that they can exchange their hard
work
for excellent
grades
.
This
can lead to better educational resources, giving them a better chance of entering top universities for
further
study. Most parents still believe that scoring higher than the other side will give their
children
that opportunity and boost their confidence. Having better
grades
means having priority for subjects and jobs.
On the other hand
,
due to
the high expectations of parents for those
children
with good
grades
and the great pressure from teachers, today's
students
spend most of their time studying, and they have no time to do other things they might want to do.
For example
, they will refuse to go out with their classmates on weekends or hold outings in the class and will choose to go to remedial classes or study at home.
This
makes them almost out of group life, and their personalities can become withdrawn and quiet. No
one
wants to communicate with them, and in
team
missions, probably no
one
wants to invite them to join the
team
.
As a result
, these
students
lose their friends and the ability to
work
together. In conclusion, it is beneficial to motivate
students
to strive for excellence in their studies.
However
, they need to understand that competing alone won't
work
every time. They need to
work
as a
team
with everyone else for everyone's benefit.
Submitted by y2083749065 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: