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Writing Samples
Band 6

Children are taught to push themselves to be better than their classmates rather than to work together for everyone's profit. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#children #classmates #work #profit
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Most parents teach their
children
 to outperform others, and some schools even use
grades
 to judge their
children
.
Although
 there are some benefits,
such
 as the chance to study at a top university.
However
,
this
also
 has obvious disadvantages. The child may become an egoist, has no sense of cooperation, and is not accepted by the
team
. On the
one
 hand,
one
 of the main benefits of making
students
 strive to be the best is that they can exchange their hard
work
 for excellent
grades
.
This
 can lead to better educational resources, giving them a better chance of entering top universities for
further
 study. Most parents still believe that scoring higher than the other side will give their
children
 that opportunity and boost their confidence. Having better
grades
 means having priority for subjects and jobs.
On the other hand
,
due to
 the high expectations of parents for those
children
 with good
grades
 and the great pressure from teachers, today's
students
 spend most of their time studying, and they have no time to do other things they might want to do.
For example
, they will refuse to go out with their classmates on weekends or hold outings in the class and will choose to go to remedial classes or study at home.
This
 makes them almost out of group life, and their personalities can become withdrawn and quiet. No
one
 wants to communicate with them, and in
team
 missions, probably no
one
 wants to invite them to join the
team
.
As a result
, these
students
 lose their friends and the ability to
work
 together. In conclusion, it is beneficial to motivate
students
 to strive for excellence in their studies.
However
, they need to understand that competing alone won't
work
 every time. They need to
work
 as a
team
 with everyone else for everyone's benefit.
Submitted by y2083749065 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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