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Writing Samples
Band 6

Parents often give children everything ask for and do what they like. Is it good for children? What are the consequence when they grow up.

Overindulgence has recently become a common attribute of parenting in the myriads of families.
This
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 essay supports the standpoint that the aforementioned trend is detrimental to the future generation's development and will highlight the certain negative ramifications of
this
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 issue. Fulfilling the demands of those under 18 results in their utter reliance on other individuals surrounding them.
In other words
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, children whose daily obligations used to be covered by adults suffer in post-adolescent life when they encounter real challenges. Even the basic routine elements
such
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 as addressing
to
Change preposition
apply
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a barber to get a fresh haircut or communicating with colleagues at work become too hard to handle.
Thus
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, it is safe to say that granting someone
with
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apply
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everything at
such
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young
Correct article usage
a young
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 age deteriorates his independence, and
hence
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, cannot be considered a beneficial method of parenting. The repercussions of
such
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 negligence in parenting can be devastating for a child.
To begin
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 with, fostering via
such
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 practice mitigates the possibility of a candidate getting into a decent workplace
due to
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 the paucity of required skills.
For example
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, an individual, who
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 not gotten to strive a bit in their whole prior experience, will not be able to extrapolate trends or generate impromptu solutions, which are, crucial skills to have in order to get into huge enterprises.
Moreover
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, indulgence leads to poor academic performance of protege
due to
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 the lack of motivation and inability to struggle to aim for better scores.
For example
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, scholars from Harvard University discovered that students with luxurious goods and amenities generally score lower than the ones without them in APA exams.
To conclude
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, it is irrefutable that the total fulfilment of wishes has devastating consequences on the level of education and future competitiveness of children, and
therefore
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, is an objectionable way to raise them.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure to link ideas within and between paragraphs more effectively for a clearer flow of arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, but ensure to provide a more balanced and nuanced argument.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and avoid repetition.
grammatical range
Improve sentence variety and accuracy to enhance the overall quality of expression.
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