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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The cost of flying has decreased significantly over the last decade. This has made oversea travel much more accessible. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

In recent years, there appears to be a decline in the cost ofof travelling by plane.
This
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 has made backpacking to another country more accessible.
This
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 essay will highlight both the benefits and drawbacks that result from
this
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 phenomenon.
To begin
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 with the positives, a crucial advantage of the significant decrease in plane ticket prices over the
last
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 decade is that it has promoted greater cultural exchange among countries.
This
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 is because people can now travel more easily to places with different traditions and cultures.
For example
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, many tourists visit Japan to learn how to cook ramen and watch sumo competitions, which originated in Japan.
Besides
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 experiencing new cultures and traditions, the economies of many countries have risen gradually, especially in state revenue, as foreign tourists rent hotels and dine in local restaurants during backpacking trips to other nations.
Nevertheless
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, using the plane as an option for travelling does present some problems. One of the disadvantages is that when planes take off, they release higher carbon emissions into the air, which contribute to climate change and global warming. Another significant disadvantage of
this
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 type of transportation is the bad effect of globalisation. Local teenagers may be influenced by tourists who introduce different cultures to the places they visit.
For example
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, young people tend to listen to pop or rock music from another country than traditional music. If
this
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 trend continues, traditional music may disappear
due to
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 the failure to preserve it over time. In conclusion,
although
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 the low price of flight tickets is beneficial in terms of its impact on traditional exchange and government revenue, it is
also
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 important to consider that it harms the environment and fosters negative attitudes that young people can imitate.

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coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to guide the reader better.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize your main points well.
task achievement
You discussed both advantages and disadvantages, showing balanced argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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