IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals as food or other products, such as medicines and clothing. Do you agree or disagree?

#world #animals #food #products #medicines
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It is often argued that in today's world,
animals
 should no longer be used to produce
food
 and other products. I disagree as fauna is still important to deliver certain
food
 items
such
 as dairy.
Furthermore
,
technology
 today is still not compatible
to produce
Change preposition
with producing
show examples
 good quality wool and silk as we get them from sheep and silkworms.
However
, a lot of advancement has been
done
Verb problem
made
show examples
 in the field of medicine where we need
lesser
Correct word choice
fewer
show examples
animals
 to treat ailments.
Firstly
, no matter how much advancement in
technology
 has been done, people still like to consume organic
food
 that comes straight from farms and is delivered to their doorsteps.
Animals
 have played an important role in providing us with nutritious
food
such
 as dairy and eggs, and every single household relies upon them for the same.
Also
, certain living creatures are often used as meals as they are good in nutrition and provide health benefits.
Furthermore
, in many parts of the world, where the weather is extremely cold, individuals still depend upon the
animals
 that provide warm clothes, I am not saying that
animals
 should be butchered to fulfil our needs but
technology
 has failed to provide suitable alternatives to some things. In the medicinal field, certain drugs are still manufactured using animal extracts.
In addition
, rats are the first ones on which newly introduced medicines are tested to avoid catastrophes.
To conclude
, even though
technology
 has found the solution to many problems
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
 has not yet stopped the need to use
animals
 for clothing and medicines.
Submitted by jyotiarora940 on

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task response
Ensure full response to the task question and present a clear opinion on the use of animals for food and other products.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a good logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the development of ideas can be enhanced to improve coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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