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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extend do you agree?

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It is true that social
media
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 has become a crucial part of many
people
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's lives, especially those of the younger generation who grew up sharing their private life on online platforms
such
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 as Instagram or Facebook. There’s criticism from different groups of
people
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 since it affects young
adult’s
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adults’
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 mental health. I agree that the negative effects of using those online sites overweigh the advantages.
Firstly
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, the modern world has become more superficial and money-oriented than it has ever been before. Young adults grew up with social
media
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 and the constant pressure of showing their wealth and comparing themselves to others.
For example
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, they post pictures of new clothes and fancy holiday destinations. The popularity of social
media
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 has
also
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 transformed the society we live in. 15 years ago most
people
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 would have gone to a shop and simply buy
what’s
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what was
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 available or
visit
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visited
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 a travel agency to decide on their next adventure,
whereas
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 nowadays most
people
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 lack the ability to decide for themselves, and
instead
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 choose to do and buy what’s widely accepted in society. Young adults, especially, would rather buy a jacket they’ve seen on their favourite Instagram account than one they found
elsewhere
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.
Besides
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 the disadvantages of social networking sites, there are a few positive sides to it. It is beneficial
using
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to use
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 a page like Facebook to stay in contact with family and friends when living or travelling overseas. Sharing pictures and stories about their life away makes
people
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 feel like they are close to their loved ones.
Furthermore
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, it saves time since pictures only have to be shared and commented on once for everyone to see. Another positive example of using social
media
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 would be for a business.
In particular
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 small businesses can place relatively cheap and target-focused advertisements. The comments function on most platforms enables users to share their opinion, which allows a business to amend their service based on customer needs and create a better value for society. In conclusion, I think that social
media
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 has become a large part of our lives and it negatively impacts
people
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's mental health and ability to judge for themselves, which is why I think that the disadvantages overweigh.
However
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, there are a few advantages like sharing experiences with close
people
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 when away from home.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • face-to-face
  • interactions
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • misinformation
  • polarize
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • procrastination
  • productivity
  • social isolation
  • dissemination
  • breeding ground
  • vast amounts
  • personal information
  • mental health
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