IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that it is important to spend a lot of money on family celebration, while others think it is a waste of money. Discuss both views.

#people #money #celebration #waste
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One
Use synonyms
 of the social concerns today relates to what is more important, spending
money
Use synonyms
 on family
celebration
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrations
show examples
 or not.
While
Linking Words
 it is widely commonly suggested that investing cash
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 family
celebrations
Use synonyms
 is important, others believe it is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
wasteful spending. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, it is argued that it is necessary to pay for
family’s
Change noun form
family
show examples
 events. The main reason is that using
money
Use synonyms
 for family occasions underpins each member's relationship. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that contributing a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 to family
celebrations
Use synonyms
 brings each member together.
One
Use synonyms
 good illustration of
this
Linking Words
 is my uncle, he is a worker and he is a busy person, he often travels with his family every summer so that he can have more time to be with his family and their relationship is pretty good.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is strongly believed by others that it is a waste of
money
Use synonyms
. People often have
this
Linking Words
 opinion because in family
celebrations
Use synonyms
, people spend too much
money
Use synonyms
 just for
one
Use synonyms
 day, and
then
Linking Words
 they cannot pay for life because of lack of
money
Use synonyms
. A second point is that if too much
money
Use synonyms
 is spent on occasions like birthday parties or weddings, they will not have any savings for themselves. Their living quality will deteriorate, and they have to work hard to earn
money
Use synonyms
 back to pay for other events. In conclusion, there is a huge debate on
this
Linking Words
 issue whether
money
Use synonyms
 should be spent overly or not on family
celebrations
Use synonyms
. Personally, I tend to believe that spending too much
money
Use synonyms
 on
celebrations
Use synonyms
 is unnecessary for congratulation.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: