IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that increasing tax on various industries will reduce pollution whereas others believe that there are better alternative ways. Discuss both the view and give your opinion.

#people #tax #industries #pollution #alternative
There is a debate about whether raising
taxes
 on industries can help reduce pollution or if there are better alternatives.
While
 some people believe in the effectiveness of increasing
taxes
, others argue that other practical ways can solve
this
 problem. In my view, I firmly agree with the second opinion. On the one hand, it can not be denied that increasing
taxes
 has a noticeable impact on reducing pollution levels. Businesses would need to modernize their treatment systems in order not to pay higher environmental
taxes
 and produce eco-friendly products that reduce harmful effects on natural habitats.
However
, these changes come at a high price, making production costs more expensive and threatening the stability of companies.
For example
, once the cost of using public transport ,
raising
Verb problem
rises
show examples
 because they use clean materials, residents
then
 prefer to purchase their
cars
Correct word choice
own cars
show examples
 and reduce the use of local transport. If
this
 were the case, citizen demand for services would decline,
further
 affecting employment rates.
On the other hand
, I strongly support those who believe that distinct ways can handle
this
 problem
instead
 of raising
taxes
 on industries. Many actions can be taken to protect our planet. Authorities should organize different teams of guardians that take care of and regenerate specific contaminated places. It is
also
 crucial to have detailed reports regarding these polluted areas and practical measures undertaken by guardians.
Finally
, citizens have permission to monitor these team efforts regularly, ensuring they fulfil their responsibilities as expected. After a year of work, the government rewards them as incentives for individuals participating in
such
 activities. In conclusion, raising
taxes
 on industries may offer short-term benefits against pollution reduction;
nonetheless
, it threatens economic stability,
while
 there are worth exploring methods for ecosystems that positively impact society long-term.
Submitted by phamnhung275 on

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task response
Task Achievement: The response does not fully address all parts of the task. It provides a one-sided argument without adequately discussing both views and presenting a balanced opinion. More comprehensive coverage of the topic and a balanced opinion are needed.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure of the essay is fairly clear, but the supporting main points lack depth and development. To improve, focus on providing more detailed and comprehensive support for the main points, and ensure that all ideas are linked cohesively throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pollution reduction
  • accountable
  • cleaner technologies
  • tax revenue
  • environmental projects
  • mitigate pollution
  • stricter regulations
  • public awareness campaigns
  • behavior change
  • sustainable practices
  • incentives
  • green technology adoption
  • negative economic consequences
  • alternative methods
  • enforcement
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