IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
These days, the
development
 of
smartphones
 has significantly affected our daily lives, connecting people, providing a range of information, and efficiently assisting with various tasks.
However
, there has been a debate about whether it is beneficial for
children
 to spend hours using
smartphones
. I firmly believe that
children
's excessive smartphone usage has a negative impact on their
development
 for several reasons.
Firstly
, spending too much
time
 on
smartphones
 leads to a sedentary lifestyle.
For example
, when
children
 play with
smartphones
, they rarely move and remain in the same seated or lying position.
This
 hinders their engagement in outdoor activities, which are crucial for their physical
development
 and puts them at risk of child obesity.
Moreover
, the more
children
 use
smartphones
, the less they interact with their friends.
In other words
,
children
 who spend their
time
 alone with
smartphones
 might lack essential social skills,
such
 as cooperation and positive interaction, which are typically enhanced through social experiences. I have a friend who used to prefer spending
time
 playing with devices alone, and she now struggles with maintaining relationships and collaborating with others in conversations.
Lastly
,
children
 who spend over an hour on
smartphones
 every day are likely to develop an addiction to them. Smartphone addiction can have a range of side effects, including mental health problems, decreased concentration on learning, and insomnia. These factors have a detrimental impact on their
overall
development
.
To conclude
, despite the various benefits of
smartphones
 in terms of convenience and connectivity,
children
's excessive usage of them can lead to a variety of negative side effects that hinder their
overall
development
.
Therefore
, I strongly believe that
children
 should be encouraged to spend less
time
 on their
smartphones
.
Submitted by jinny921108 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: