IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
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It is true that the most serious environmental problem is a disaster in the modern world.
While
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 a number of
people
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 consider
plants
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 and
animals
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 to be the most important to the environment, I would argue that there are more serious
problems
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such
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 as climate change and global warming. On the one hand, it is argued that the loss of
species
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 may cause many
problems
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.
Firstly
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, many
people
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 think that the loss of
animals
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 and
plants
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 can cause
the
Correct article usage
a
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 lack of food. In fact, if some
species
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 of
animals
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 become extinct, others may die out too
as a consequence
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 of food shortage, leading to the imbalance of the ecosystem.
For instance
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, if there are no worms in the world, some kinds of birds may disappear.
Secondly
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, the disappearance of the
plants
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 can affect the air quality since the
plants
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 can produce oxygen to help
people
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to
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apply
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breath
Replace the word
breathe
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.
Therefore
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, without
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plants
Add a comma
plants,
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people
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 may suffer from air pollution.
On the other hand
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, I believe that there are much more important
problems
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. The first problem is that
people
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 do not pay much attention to the environment.
For example
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, many
people
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 throw rubbish in public areas like rivers or lakes, which leads to heavy pollution. Another reason is that global warming or climate change will imbalance the ecosystem, which will cause the Earth to become hotter and lead to disasters like floods, landslides, etc.
As a result
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, human life and other
species
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 will be severely affected. In conclusion,
although
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 both views have some validity, it seems to me that there are more important environmental
problems
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 than the loss of particular
species
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 of
plants
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 and
animals
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.
Submitted by phuongank1511 on

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task response
Ensure the essay addresses all aspects of the topic by presenting a balanced view of both arguments and providing a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally sound; however, consider using more cohesive devices to strengthen the connection between paragraphs and ideas.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used to articulate ideas more effectively and demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource.
grammatical range
Pay closer attention to sentence structure and grammatical accuracy to improve overall coherence and clarity.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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