In the past, sporting champions used to be motivated primarily by the desire to win a match or to break world records. These days, they are more likely to be motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous. What message does this send to young people and how does this attitude to sport affect the sports themselves? Give reasons for your answer.

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For some children being an athlete superstar is a dream because famous players
were
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are
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models of success;
however
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, these days some of those models are seeking payment rather than achievements.
This
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essay will discuss what are some of the messages those young adults are receiving
due to
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this
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change of interest, and what some of the negative impacts
such
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behaviour has led to.
To begin
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with,
although
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youngsters were taught to develop their skills and do not care about raising money, now they observe the contradiction of
this
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concept. They are being motivated toward the highest-paid sports professions, and they are dropping their true skills doing that.
For example
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, Basketball and American football are decreasing in popularity compared to Soccer because world-known soccer players are becoming famous for having supercars, mansions, yachts and many other luxurious benefits they enjoy by playing soccer.
For
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this
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reason, children not only have grown more to care about financial benefits but
also
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dropped their true skills.
Moreover
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, Sport, these days, is becoming an investment rather than entertainment. Indeed, companies are using match shows to advertise their products and take advantage of the fact that millions of people are watching the matches.
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, associations are forcing some rules that aim to increase financial profits.
For instance
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, Fifa prevents players from taking off their T-shirts after they have scored a goal because sponsoring companies of that player's team take advantage of
this
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scene to advertise their trademark.
This
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also
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has negatively impacted the team spirit of games.
To conclude
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, sports professionals once stood for morals and ethics. These days, sadly, some of them are only looking after fame and fancy life uncaring about the negative messages their cheerers are getting especially young ones.
Moreover
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, their behaviours are affecting the whole enjoyment of games.

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coherence and cohesion
In your first paragraph, consider rephrasing 'what are some of the messages those young adults are receiving' to a simpler 'the messages that young people receive'. This can help improve clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly connect the points in your essay. For example, when discussing the impact of athlete's focus on money, try to link back to how that affects the young people’s motivations explicitly.
task achievement
Your examples about basketball, American football, and soccer are insightful, but providing a more direct comparison or a clearer argument would strengthen your point.
coherence and cohesion
In the conclusion, consider summarizing the main points more directly to reinforce your arguments. This helps to ensure a clear connection between your points and the conclusion.
task achievement
The introduction effectively outlines the topic and states what will be discussed, providing a clear roadmap for the reader.
task achievement
You offer relevant examples to illustrate your points, such as the impact of player salaries on young people's motivations.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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