IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some schools are very strict about their school uniforms and the appearance of their pupils, while other schools have a very relaxed dresscode. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children of having a school uniform?

#schools #school #uniforms #appearance #pupils #dresscode #children #uniform
Some
schools
 are extremely harsh about their
school
 uniforms and the appearance of their
students
,
whereas
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
schools
without
Add a missing verb
do without
show examples
 rules regarding
dresscode
Correct your spelling
dress code
. In my opinion, the merits of
school
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
show examples
 outweigh the demerits. On the one hand, there are several drawbacks of
force
Replace the word
forcing
show examples
 children to wear certain
dresscode
Correct your spelling
dress codes
 in
schools
 .
Firstly
,
students
comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
 from different backgrounds and cultures, which means
force
Wrong verb form
forcing
show examples
 them to wear certain
clothes
 is considered
restrict
Replace the word
restriction
show examples
 of their freedom to choose any
uniform
 they prefer.
Consequently
, pupils will become unsatisfied
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
 environment, and
then
this
 can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their academic performance negatively.
Secondly
,
school
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
show examples
 can be extremely expensive, which
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can upset the budget of many families.
On the other hand
, I would like to argue that the benefits of
school
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
show examples
 significantly far more than
downsides
Correct article usage
the downsides
show examples
.
This
 first advantage,
school
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
show examples
 can
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
 a key role to eliminate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bullying in
schools
.
This
 is because if all
students
 dress
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 same
clothes
, they will be no
discriminations
Fix the agreement mistake
discrimination
show examples
 against appearance.
Therefore
,
dresscode
Correct your spelling
dress code
in
schools
 can minimize
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bullying and
then
 help to enhance the performance of
students
 in
school
as well as
 improve the outcomes of
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 system. The second benefit,
school
uniform
 is considered economic policy. To illustrate, children do not need to purchase a wide range of
clothes
, which
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can decrease
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
 burden
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their parents.
Moreover
,
school
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
show examples
 can be environmentally friendly,
beucase
Correct your spelling
because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
reduce the consumption of
clothes
 among children.
This
due
Add a missing verb
is due
show examples
 to the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of our production of
clothes
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 deforestation, reducing logging can contribute to
mitigate
Change the verb form
mitigating
show examples
 Co2
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 as well
climate
Correct word choice
as climate
show examples
 change and global warming. In conclusion, In my
perspective
Add a comma
,perspective
show examples
 the upsides of
school
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
show examples
 outperform the downsides
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bullying, financial burden
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 families, and environmental issues.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: