IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today’s competitive world, people have less
time
Use synonyms
 to themselves
due to
Linking Words
 a number of commitments.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they hardly find the
time
Use synonyms
 to workout for pursuing a healthy lifestyle.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the root causes of
this
Linking Words
 grave problem and suggest practical solutions.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, since
time
Use synonyms
 immemorial, humans have always been busy with the necessities of life
such
Linking Words
 as working on a farm, taking care of children, building a house or tent to live in, and tending to the livestock. Owing to technological and industrial advancements, new jobs have emerged and
according to
Linking Words
 a recent academic study conducted by the University of Toronto, 90% of the current contemporary world jobs are done online via computers, tablets and smartphones. Despite the fact that
this
Linking Words
 should lead to adults’ having more
time
Use synonyms
 to themselves, it is actually the opposite as these works are more demanding and they mostly require employees to be available at all times. Companies and governments can tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem by regulating the rules and introducing new laws to ensure
work
Use synonyms
-life balance. A new
work
Use synonyms
 approach, which is called four day
work
Use synonyms
 week, has been implemented and tested in many countries and a number of public and private surveys point out that working only 4 days a week has contributed greatly to employees’ quality of life by allowing them to focus on other activities to improve their health and decreased their stress levels. Companies can make health-related initiatives for the employees
such
Linking Words
 as providing discounts on gym memberships, organizing company-wide health activities, encouraging the use of bicycles to commute by giving allowances, and joining running events, and marathons. In conclusion, people do not have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 out given the fact that modern
work
Use synonyms
 life is demanding them to be online most of the
time
Use synonyms
 during the week and on the weekends.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, governmental bodies can change the course of
this
Linking Words
 problem positively by introducing new laws that regulate
work
Use synonyms
-life balance and companies can promote being healthier by making initiatives that would encourage employees to be more active.
Submitted by akmangizem on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: