IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, there is a significant upward trend of
people
Use synonyms
 overweight. Some sectors of society are in favour of increasing the
price
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 of the most caloric food to prevent
people
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 from
this
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 major
problem
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. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with
this
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 idea as the
price
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 will not stop from
people
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 buying these kinds of comestible.
Subsequently
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, I consider that
people
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 need to be better educated in having healthier habits.
To begin
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 with, increasing the
price
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 of fatty food will not stop
people
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 from consuming them.
For example
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, statistics show that the main reason for obesity is anxiety and depression.
People
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 that are sad and depressed feel that they really need to eat
this
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 kind of food, in which case
price
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 will not be precisely a barrier for them as they would pay any amount of money in order to get it to satisfy
this
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 negative emotion they feel.
On the other hand
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, increasing the
price
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 of selected products would be unfair to
people
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 who are not obese and that want to enjoy their meals with something fatty. In
this
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 case,
this
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 would be discriminatory for these
people
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,
while
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 the overweight
problem
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 would still exist.
In other words
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, increasing the
price
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 will not prevent
people
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 from obesity as the
problem
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 is deeper than just paying a bit more but
also
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 will impact negatively on
people
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's pockets who only want to enjoy these comestibles. In conclusion, we cannot deny that
this
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 tendency of
people
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 to increase considerably their weight is a critical
problem
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 for societies.
However
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, I completely disagree with the “possible” solution of putting higher prices on fattening foods.
Instead
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 of
this
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, I consider that governments should attend to
this
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problem
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 for real through educative chats and programs in schools and other institutions.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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