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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Research so that over eating is as harmful to peoples health has smoking there for the advertisements of certain food products should be banned to what extend do you agree or disagree

#research #peoples #health #advertisements #food #products
Eating more than enough is dangerous to individuals' fitness and health just like smoking
which
Correct word choice
as
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 indicated by a study. So, it is asserted that the adverts of some particular eatables
such
 as junk
food
 ought to be forbidden;
however
,I strongly disaccord with
this
 approach and I will shed light
views
Change preposition
on views
show examples
 in upcoming segments. To commence with, by prohibiting ads of several
food
 items like pizzas, burgers and cold drinks, people would remain unaware pertaining
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 delicious products.
As a result
, there would be no issue of overeating.
Nevertheless
, by banning the advertisements, residents would not stop to overeat.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
,mortals could be unaware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the eatables available outside ,they will still consume
the
Correct article usage
apply
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homemade
as well as
 local
food
 items at an alarming
rat e
Correct your spelling
rate
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,which will either escalate their obesity level or cause cardiovascular diseases
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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problem of
over consumption
Correct your spelling
overconsumption
show examples
 cannot be her halted by just restricting sales promotion.
Besides
this
,the regime must conduct seminars,
campaigns
Correct word choice
and campaigns
show examples
 in order to aware the civilians.To justify, if the individuals would have knowledge about the deteriorating impacts of overtaking the
food
 on their well-being.They would stop to consume more than needed.
For example
,the lessons regarding the adverse impacts of
this
 could be included in Academics by the
law makers
Correct your spelling
lawmakers
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.
Consequently
, the issue of eating more than a can be diminished.
Apart from
this
,
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 ads
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 eating
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
 should be restricted.
For instance
,offers in which prizes are given when a person finishes huge
food
 combos in a certain time period.
As a consequence
,citizens would not lead to
overeat
Change the verb form
overeating
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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eatables. In conclusion,
although
 sales promotion
play
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plays
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 a crucial role in
ascalating
Correct your spelling
escalating
 sales ,I believe that
instead
 of prohibiting these the citizens out
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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be store
Change the verb form
store
show examples
 the adverse impact of
this
 on health by conducting awareness campus.
Submitted by sandhuprabh090 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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