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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people blame the government for the increase in childhood obesity while others think it is the parents’ fault.Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #government #childhood #obesity #parents’ #fault
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It is an uncomfortable truth that the incidence of obesity among
children
Use synonyms
 has continued to increase. Some people argue that the government is the one to blame, but others think that the
parents
Use synonyms
 should be the ones responsible for
this
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 phenomenon.
To begin
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 with, governments play an important role in ensuring the well-being of all citizens. There are a few contributing factors to the increase in obese offspring attributed to the government's actions.
First,
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the government has allowed a massive number of fast-food restaurants to open and impose a low tax. In Indonesia
for example
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, we can see restaurants which sell unhealthy food everywhere,
thus
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 people or even
children
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 can easily buy them.
Furthermore
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, junk food is much cheaper and tastier, so heir prefers them over healthy meals.
Also
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, there is no regulation in place to limit or control people from selling
such
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 unhealthy food.
On the other hand
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, the opponents argue that
parents
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 should always provide heir with a healthy diet so that they don't get overweight.
In addition
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,
children
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 should
also
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 be encouraged to perform physical activities to avoid a sedentary lifestyle which is one of the significant causes of obesity. Having said that, many
parents
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 these days work long hours to make ends meet,
thus
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 do not have time to cook healthy meals.
While
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 it is true that both parent and authority have their own contributions to
this
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 problem, in my personal opinion the parent has more responsibility to ensure that their
children
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 have a healthy diet.
Also
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, as they live together,
parents
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 are able to make sure that their
children
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 have sufficient outdoor activities.
Submitted by irarahmawati.polkesma on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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