IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows waste collection by a recycling centre from 2011 to 2015

The chart below shows waste collection by a recycling centre from 2011 to 2015
#waste #collection #centre
The line graph outlines the figure for weekly
patients
 who come to the hospital
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 check-ups for 4 clinics (
birth
control
,
eye
,
diabetes
 and dental) over a
period
 of 7 years.
Overall
, it can be seen that
patients
Correct article usage
the patients
show examples
 who
visiting
Wrong verb form
visited
show examples
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
eye
Add an article
the eye
show examples
,
diabetes
,
dental
Correct word choice
and dental
show examples
 rose from 2010 to 2016
while
this
 figure for
birth
control
patients
 fell. At the start of the
period
, the clinic for
birth
control
 received the highest data and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
diabetes
 is the lowest.
Patients
 who go to check-ups
eye
Change preposition
for eye
show examples
 and
birth
control
 changed rapidly.
Eye
patients
 increased quickly from 130 to 350.
Birth
control
patients
 between 2010 and 2012 is an upward trend from 240 to 280. In 2014,
birth
control
patients
 declined to 180 and in 2016 returned to the original level
like
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2010.
Patients
 who came to check up
diabetes
Change preposition
for diabetes
show examples
 and dental changed ceaselessly. In 2010,
patients
Correct article usage
the patients
show examples
 who
visiting
Wrong verb form
visit
show examples
diabetes
 and dental
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the lowest in the line graph (between 50-100). In the next
period
 between 2010 to 2012, diabetic
patients
 climbed to 90 and dental
patients
 go down to 60 .From 2012 to 2014, the
dental
Correct quantifier usage
number of dental
show examples
patients
 remained the same as
2010
Change preposition
in 2010
show examples
while
 the
diabetic
Correct quantifier usage
number of diabetic
show examples
patients
 jumped from 60 to 130.In the
last
period
, both of
its
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 changed mildly. The
diabetic
Correct quantifier usage
number of diabetic
show examples
patients
 increased from 90 to 180 and dental
patients
 jumped from 130 to 135.
Submitted by Soobinsj13 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words patients, birth, control, eye, diabetes, period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "jumped" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • recycling centre
  • waste management
  • total waste collected
  • trends
  • categories
  • significant increases/decreases
  • analysis
  • public awareness
  • recycling policies
  • implications
  • future strategies
  • sustainable practices
  • waste reduction
  • data interpretation
  • environmental impact
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