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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
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Some people claim that a positive
society
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 members
attitude
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 should be learned by their
parents
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.
However
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, others believe
this
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 issue is the responsibility of the
school
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. One
school
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 of thought asserts that
children
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 should learn how to be better members of
society
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 by their
parents
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. Because they can teach their attitudes to their
children
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 and they can guide them by their family methods which are acceptable with their culture.
For instance
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, a family from a city in the south of my country tends to be introverted and
this
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 behavior affects their
attitude
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 in
society
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.
Therefore
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, it is possible, that a family has mistakes in teaching
society
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attitude
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 to kids.
On the other hand
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, other people opine that
children
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 should learn societal behaviour at
school
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. Because they can learn the science of
society
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 from someone who has graduated in
this
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 field and teachers can analyze their students' behavior which is useful for understanding how each kid should learn a positive
society
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attitude
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.
For example
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, a city like Tehran that have a diversity of families from all culture, should have a lesson related to societal behaviour in all the schools. To reach a unified
society
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 in the future. From my point of view, a
school
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 is a place that should teach
children
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 how to be good members of
society
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.
Moreover
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, schools should make a plan to educate
parents
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, in the field of societal attitudes. So,
parents
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 can help their
children
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 with
this
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 important education.
To sum up
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,
society
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's behaviour is one of the most important issues in each country, that should be taught by specialists to all the
children
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 and we can get a better result if
parents
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 learn
this
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 subject and help their
children
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’s education.
Submitted by sr.alizadeh9191 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion in your essay, focus on creating a logical flow of ideas with clear and purposeful paragraphing. Transition words and phrases can help connect your ideas more seamlessly. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph contains a central idea that is elaborated upon with supporting detail.
task achievement
For task achievement, aim to directly and comprehensively address the prompt by providing a balanced discussion that considers both sides of the argument. Include more relevant examples to support your points, and ensure that the examples are specific and directly linked to the main idea you are discussing. Your conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your position clearly, reinforcing the response to the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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