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Band 6.5

The three pie charts illustrate degrees granted in four fields at the National University in three decades (1990, 2000, and 2010.)

The three pie charts illustrate degrees granted in four fields at the National University in three decades (1990, 2000, and 2010.)
The three pie charts illustrate
degrees
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 granted in four fields at the National University in three decades (1990, 2000, and 2010.)
Overall
Linking Words
, the vast
mojority
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majority
 of
students
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 were granted
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Computer Science,
whereas
Linking Words
 a tiny minority
Use synonyms
grants
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of grants
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allocated
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were allocated
show examples
 for
Law
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. There was a slight increase in
grants
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 for CS,
while
Linking Words
 a decrease can be seen in the
degrees
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 for
Business
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.
Medicine
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 and
Law
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degrees
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 describe fluctuations throughout those years. The diagram describes that both
Business
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 and Computer Science were awarded
for
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to
show examples
30%
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students
Change preposition
of students
show examples
 in the first decade.
The exactly
Correct article usage
Exactly
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 a quarter and a small portion
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grants
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of grants
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 were allocated for
Medicine
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 and
Law
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. After 10 years, the National University handed over 40%
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degrees
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of degrees
show examples
 to CS
students
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 and 30 % to
Medicine
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students
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.
Students
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 who
achivied
Correct your spelling
achieved
Business
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degrees
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reduced
Add a missing verb
were reduced
show examples
 by 10% ,
while
Linking Words
 it was a 5% fall
fior
Correct your spelling
for
 the
Law
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students
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.
Finally
Linking Words
, in 2010, the percentage of CS graduates climbed to 45%,
while
Linking Words
students
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were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
from
Business
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 plummeted to 15%. The same number of
grants
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 were allocated for
Medicine
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 and
Law
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students
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 as in 1990.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words degrees, students, grants, law, business, medicine with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrate" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "describe" was used 2 times.
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