IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Nowadays online shopping is extremely popular. Discuss the impact of it on the environment and on people who lost their jobs because of it.

#impact #environment #people #jobs
As time goes by, online shopping is gaining popularity gradually. Nowadays, it is really difficult to find someone who does not use online shopping. Surely, online shopping has changed our way of living easily.
However
, there is still growing debate over whether online shopping is positive or negative. In
this
 modern world, online shopping has big advantages. Because of convenience and simplicity. The quality of human life has increased significantly by online shopping,
such
 as Amazon.
In particular
, in our generation, most younger
people
 are getting used to online shopping more deeply than in the
last
 decade.
According to
 a survey, the number of online shopping users increased exponentially between 2010 and 2022.
Above all
,
people
 can save a lot of energy and time by using online shopping.
On the other hand
, there are two disadvantages to online shopping as well.
Firstly
, offline shopping mall position is getting weaker in society. Because there is no need to go out to purchase. But before online shopping came out,
people
 could talk to each other in person by selling and buying. And that made
people
 communities.
Secondly
,
due to
 online
shopping
Add a comma
shopping,
show examples
 many jobs have been disappearing more and more and unemployment rates are increasing at the same time. Because E-commerce companies provide
people
 with many options for convenience. Customers always want to be provided convenient experience. It seems those
people
 who lost their offline jobs should accept
this
 phenomenon to survive. Because
this
 big trend wave cannot be stopped. Maybe
this
 tendency can be controversial for some
people
. In summary, for the reasons mentioned above, the public still arguing that
this
 change is going to be truly meaningful and helpful for individuals and associations.
Submitted by ryujaekwang0928 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To enhance task response, incorporate more specific examples and data to support your points. For instance, mentioning specific environmental impacts or citing statistics about job losses can strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While your ideas are generally well-organized, inserting linking phrases between sections can improve coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Improve cohesion by using more varied linking words and phrases rather than repeating similar structures. This will help maintain the reader's interest and enhance the flow of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in maintaining coherence.
introduction and conclusion
Your introduction effectively sets up the debate and your conclusion neatly summarizes your points.
task achievement
You have a balanced discussion of both positives and negatives of online shopping, addressing different perspectives on the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!