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Band 7

Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #government #crime #prevention #responsibility
Nowadays, some
people
 believe that the
government
 should avoid
crime
 incidents,
while
 others argue that individuals should be responsible for their own safety. In my opinion, the authority has enough power to lessen illegalities.
To begin
 with, there are several reasons why
people
 should protect themselves from criminals or pickpockets.
Initially
, it is unlikely that the
government
 will always keep its citizens safe, for it has other essential assignments to address.
As a result
, residents would be accountable for defecating their belongings and money in order to preserve and use them in the long term.
For example
, if offenders attack vulnerable members of society, the inhabitants around them could eject lawbreakers to reduce the
crime
 rate.
For
this
 reason,
people
 consider themselves a shield for their own lives. In a sense, there are other reasons why the
government
 has the main power to eradicate criminality. First of all, they can impose severe punishments, which act as a deterrent to decrease heinous actions. If we enact that type of capital punishment, the offenders will think twice before committing unlawful occurrences. It helps to minimize juvenile delinquencies and keep
people
 secure in all parts of the country.
Consequently
, these actions alleviate burglaries, especially in rural areas, and the authorities would be tough on
crime
, which helps to develop other sectors of society.
Secondly
, the authorities can consider the installation of surveillance cameras so as to make our streets safer. It not only prevents potential
crime
 incidents
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 aids in tracking criminal cases. In conclusion,
although
 individuals could protect themselves from criminal actions, the
government
 has sufficient feasible methods to tackle these law breaks,
as well as
 empowerment over the residents to implement important laws.
Submitted by ieltswritingband99 on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples that clearly illustrate your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and develops it fully before moving on to the next point. This will help maintain a clear and logical structure throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints and provides a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear opening and closing for your discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsible for crime prevention
  • legislative power
  • trained personnel
  • public institutions
  • police force
  • judiciary
  • correctional facilities
  • maintain law and order
  • public good
  • personal accountability
  • self-defense measures
  • security systems
  • vigilant
  • community watch programs
  • education on personal security
  • empower individuals
  • reduce the risk of becoming victims of crime
  • synergistic approach
  • robust governmental measures
  • proactive steps
  • collaborative approach
  • foundation of security
  • aware and prepared citizenry
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