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Band 3.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
Nowadays, there is a trend where
people
 living in the countryside move to many big cities, which
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
 the population in the rural areas. Even though they can get an opportunity to get a stable income,
this
 essay believes and will explain why it is a negative development. First of all, many rural areas are home to agriculture and their traditions. What I mean about
this
 is that they are responsible for
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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such
 as food or spices exported to not only cities but other countries
also
. If
people
 choose to move from their hometown, there will be not enough
people
 to grow vegetables or raise
cattles
Correct your spelling
cattle
.
As a result
, food prices could increase and there might be not enough food for
people
 to eat.
Secondly
, the city could be
crowded
Correct quantifier usage
more crowded
show examples
 than ever. Even though the life quality is better than in the countryside, it is undeniable that there will not be enough
rooms
Fix the agreement mistake
room
show examples
 for
people
 to live in. The city, which is already home to a lot of
people
, would be
over loaded
Correct your spelling
overloaded
show examples
.
Furthermore
, many
people
 use motorcycles as their means of transport, which heavily emits CO2 into the atmosphere.
Consequently
, the ozone layer would be severely damaged and the
atmostphere
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
 would be covered in toxic fumes, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 both humans and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
. In conclusion,
Submitted by nhathoangthanthanh2006 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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