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Writing Samples
Band 6

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures should be taken to reduce this pressure?

#children #pressures #perspectives #measures #pressure
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These days, technology is developing really fast and our lifestyles have been more easily from
last
 time;
however
, it is important that the number of pressures that affect
children
 have been increasing in the past.
This
 essay discusses the reasons for these matters, and how can we decline these pressures. These issues like other ones have several reasons
such
 as
children
's parents changing their ideas about their lives and the number of crimes rising.
Firstly
, today, people have a different idea from the past owing to the fact that they want everything ideal because social media and commercials
change
 the level of the population's beliefs;
furthermore
, parents want to do everything that they do not have for their
children
;
as a result
, the pressure of their child will grow.
Secondly
, all aspects of offence evolve inasmuch as technology helps them to improve it;
therefore
,
children
 who do not feel
this
 harmful evidence have to be very careful.
This
 question has various solutions to solve it like governments avoiding publicity that alters societies' thinking and helps students to become really good people who are not influenced by their surroundings. On the one side, when authorities make a law that should show things that are real from the advertisements, brands alternatives our aim;
then
 population idea will
change
 from the prior. On the other side, when pupils learn about matters which have in the real world and how can we
change
 them
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the best opportunities for them;
hence
, they do not need to feel a lot of stress on account of the fact that they know the way
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 problems. In conclusion, our lives have changed from the previous
due to
 the fact that our facilities are so different;
nevertheless
, governments can
change
 the disadvantages of the matters through their work.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt, but ensure you cover all aspects of the question more comprehensively. Try to elaborate more on the causes and solutions with specific details.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing clearer and more cohesive ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that transitions between ideas are smooth and logical.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate your points more vividly. This not only strengthens your arguments but also shows a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Although the introduction and conclusion are present, they could be more impactful. Aim to clearly summarize your main points and leave a lasting impression in the conclusion.
task achievement
You effectively identified the causes of the pressures faced by children.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a structured framework for your arguments.
general
Your language and ideas are relevant and engaging, showing your interest and understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic competition
  • peer pressure
  • social media influence
  • advertising targeting
  • balanced lifestyle
  • extracurricular activities
  • mental well-being
  • academic expectations
  • unrealistic standards
  • college applications
What to do next:
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