IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food.Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people.Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.?

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Scientists agree that individuals are harming their
health
Use synonyms
 by overeating fast
food
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.Some individuals believe that the solution to
this
Linking Words
 issue is to educate
people
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.Others feel education will not make
difference
Correct article usage
a difference
show examples
. In my opinion,
impose
Wrong verb form
imposing
show examples
taxes
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 and regulations on unhealthy
food
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 is more effective than
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
show examples
people
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. On the one hand, some think
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
Replace the word
educating
show examples
people
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 about
harmful
Correct article usage
the harmful
show examples
 of unhealthy
food
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 is
efficient
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an efficient
show examples
 way to tackle issues regarding overconsuming of junk
food
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.
For example
Linking Words
, the government could organize educational campaigns and workshops in order to raise awareness among
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 about
the a
Choose an article
the
show examples
 negative impacts of eating too much fast
food
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 on their
health
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,raising
awarenss
Correct your spelling
awareness
 among
people
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 can contribute to
enhance
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enhancing
show examples
Linking Words
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
health
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 of
people
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I would like to agree with those
people
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 who believe education will not work and I would like to suggest some
measure
Fix the agreement mistake
measures
show examples
 to address
this
Linking Words
 issue. The first effective solution,
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 authorities can implement
taxes
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 on
uhealthy
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
healthy
food
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, which
this
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 step can discourage
people
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to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 eating too much junk
food
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.
Consequently
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,
taxes
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 on junk
food
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 will force
people
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 to
perpare
Correct your spelling
prepare
 their
food
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on
Change preposition
in
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 their homes
instead
Linking Words
 of
purchase
Change the verb form
purchasing
show examples
 fast
food
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for
Change preposition
from
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 restaurants.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the government can introduce strict regulations related to
food
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.
For instance
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, the government could introduce harsh laws to force
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
restaurants to make their
food
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 healthy via reduce the
amont
Correct your spelling
amount
 of fat.
As a result
Linking Words
,
jank
Correct your spelling
junk
show examples
food
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 will become
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
danagers
Correct your spelling
dangers
dangerous
 to
Add an article
an individuals
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individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
health
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.
To sum up
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, from my perspective,
the a
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
 better method to tackle
issue
Add an article
the issue
show examples
 of
people
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 eating too much unhealthy
food
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 is
via
Change preposition
to
show examples
impose
taxes
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 on fast
food
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 and introduce
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new regulations
terms
Change preposition
in terms
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 of
way
Correct article usage
the way
show examples
 of
prepare
Change the form of the verb
preparing
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 in
ordet
Correct your spelling
order
 to make it less detrimental to
people
Use synonyms
health
Use synonyms
.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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