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Band 6

Nowadays, it is getting difficult for people to enjoy their lives in cities. Why do you think this is? What can the government do to make life in cities more enjoyable?

#people #lives #cities #government #life
In our
life
Add a comma
,life
show examples
 more and more
people
 choose
cities
 to live in
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because there are a
lot
 of different opportunities to do a graduation degree, earn money, have a beautiful
life
 and travel a
lot
. I suppose that our
life
 in big
cities
 is always connected with a high level of
stress
, depression, anxiety etc. So why is it
happened
Wrong verb form
happening
show examples
?
Firstly
, working at big companies
people
 have a
lot
 of responsibilities, they should be always
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
highly competitive employee
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because there are a
lot
 of
another candidates
Replace the adjective
another candidate
other candidates
show examples
, who wants to get
this
 position.
In other words
,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stress
 from work has a crucial influence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our mental health.
Secondly
, a large number of
cities
 have a considerable level of different noises, including cars, music and other loud sounds in
cities
.
Conseqently
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, a permanent noise is able to result in problems with
psychological
Add an article
a psychological
show examples
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
Thus
, it is getting hard to enjoy our
life
 in these places. So, what should
do
Correct article usage
the do
show examples
 government to reduce these issues? At
first,
I believe that creating more parks,
places
Correct word choice
and places
show examples
 with
relaxing
Add an article
the relaxing
a relaxing
show examples
atmosphere
Fix the agreement mistake
atmospheres
show examples
 is essential for
people
's mental health, because
people
 have an opportunity to be calm,
listen
Add the preposition
tolisten
show examples
 nature sounds and relax.
However
,
an employees
Correct the article-noun agreement
employees
an employee
show examples
 should have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free time to visit these places, so comfortable working conditions are essential for every
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
.
In other words
, if a person has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leisure time to relax and distress from work, he has
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
less
stress
 in his
life
.
To conclude
, I want to say that sometimes living in a big city is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 your mental health
due to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stress
.
However
, having a smart approach
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 reducing
this
 factor could result in
Correct article usage
the plesure
show examples
plesure
Correct your spelling
pleasure
 of your
life
 in a city.
Submitted by aleskovamaria02 on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Metropolitan
  • Overpopulation
  • Commuting
  • Infrastructure
  • Cost of living
  • Pollution
  • Green spaces
  • Public services
  • Mental health
  • Work-life balance
  • Quality of life
  • Social cohesion
  • Crime prevention
  • Sustainability
  • Urban planning
  • Recreational areas
  • Public transportation
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