Many people spend a lot of money on clothes , haircuts , beauty products to enhance their apperance. Some think its a good way to spend , while others think there are other better options. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #money #clothes #haircuts #beauty #products #apperance #think #options

Money spending has always been a heated topic to discuss.

while

one camp has the opinion that appearance is key for many things in life;

however

, the other camp believes that money should be spent on better tangible things. In

this

essay, I will take more of a moderate approach as there are benefits in both camps. On the one hand, the desire to have a decent look is a natural thing and there is nothing wrong with it. In fact, nowadays,

people

with good dressing and appearance styles are more likely to find a new job than their peers who don't.

For example

, in hospitality, customer service and crew pilots' jobs their main requirement is to have a nice fashionable look. One main point to consider

while

making a deeper analysis of

this

debate , is

Male

Correct your spelling

that males

show examples

and females do have different desires

according to

many psychological studies females are more likely to spend on beauty products and care more about their looks than the other gender and there is nothing wrong with it as long as it is within the normal range. I.E a reasonable percentage of their income.

On the other hand

, it could be argued that many

people

do fall for marketing traps and spend excessively on suits

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

dresses and other fashion products trying to imitate celebrities.

This

issue affects youngsters the most making them fall into debt at a very young age ,

while

they should start saving their income and direct it towards buying their own house or starting their own business. in my opinion, there is nothing wrong with trying to take care of yourself or tightening your

built

Correct your spelling

budget

show examples

to buy a house or car. all of that should be in moderation.

People

would love to work and interact with nicely dressed and smelled

people

also

on the other hand

resources are limited and should be spent wisely towards big achievements in life , like a house or investment.

to conclude

, everything in life should be done in moderation without falling into excessiveness or ascestistim.

people

should think big, but without neglecting their own desires.

Submitted by scalp_mundane0r on Sat Jul 29 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph is focused on one main idea, with clear topic sentences and supporting details.

task achievement

Address all parts of the essay prompt, providing balanced arguments, and ensure that examples are relevant to the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

353 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people spend a lot of money on clothes , haircuts , beauty products to enhance their apperance. Some think its a good way to spend , while others think there are other better options. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

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