IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays many elderly people live alone and this can cause a variety of problems. What are some of these problems and what solutions can you suggest?

#people #variety
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Recently, some older generations have stayed alone which can lead to many problems . In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the reasons behind
this
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 issue and suggest some solutions .
To begin
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 with , there are several reasons that cause problems for elderly
people
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 when they live individually. First in old age majority have a chronic disease ,like , blood pressure , diabetes , and so on , so when they feel sick they struggle to help themselves ,
In addition
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 to that most devices nowadays are designed to help them with their illness are complex and require someone assist them ,
for example
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 , before 5 years ago my neighbour was staying alone for a long time and suffering with diabetes so when blood sugar level had risen he passed away because there is no one looked after him which made his live hard . Regarding solving these problems , there are two main ways to save older
people
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's lives, starting with the government should establish a public service that can observe well-being regularly and give some advice for the elderly to take care of themselves in the easiest way .
Moreover
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, raising
people
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's awareness about elderly care through courses and advertising can lead to educating younger
people
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 to ask and visit at least once a week their grandparents in order to avoid any future issues and help them . In conclusion, these days many old
people
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 stay alone which impacts their health negatively and causes other issues,
therefore
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 staying in touch with them and providing a safe environment the government can help prevent any harm and ensure that they can survive without any hassle.
Submitted by rwnalanezi on

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task response
Although the essay addresses the task and provides solutions, it could be improved by offering more developed and detailed arguments. Expand each main point and use specific examples to support your ideas more robustly.
coherence and cohesion
Sections of the essay could benefit from clearer and more fluid connections between ideas. This can be achieved by using linking words and phrases more effectively to enhance coherence.
structure
Clear and defined structure, with a solid introduction and conclusion. This ensures that the reader is aware of the main topic and the writer's stance.
task response
The essay provides relevant examples, such as the anecdote about the neighbour, which adds authenticity and engages the reader by illustrating potential problems faced by the elderly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Isolation
  • Mental health issues
  • Physical health risks
  • Daily activities
  • Financial difficulties
  • Housekeeping
  • Personal care
  • Medical services
  • Safety concerns
  • Vulnerable
  • Accidents
  • Scams
  • Social interaction
  • Healthcare costs
  • Social services
  • Community-based programs
  • In-home care services
  • Safety measures
  • Subsidize
  • Intergenerational living arrangements
  • Emotional support
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