IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that urban spaces should be used for parks rather than for housing. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

It is considered by some that building
houses
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 is the best way to utilise urban
space
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,
while
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 there are others who argue that it is better to enrich
this
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space
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 with
parks
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. In my opinion, it is preferable to fill urban
space
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 with
parks
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, as building
houses
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 consumes more territory than
areas
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 for walking and recreation. On the one hand, many
people
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 believe that free urban
space
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 should be used for
parks
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. The presence of
park
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areas
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 allows
people
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 to walk outside and relax in nature within the
city
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 without having to travel far beyond its borders, which can be a significant issue
due to
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 transportation availability. The large
number
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 of
people
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 visiting existing
park
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areas
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 demonstrates the importance of increasing the
number
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 of
parks
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 in the
city
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 for more comfortable leisure and free movement.
On the other hand
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, some argue that constructing
houses
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 in free urban spaces is more crucial. The population of modern cities is growing rapidly each year, necessitating the construction of new homes for a comfortable and convenient life for
city
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residents
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. Utilising free urban spaces for housing provides more opportunities for a large
number
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 of
residents
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 to obtain comfortable homes in new and modern buildings.
Finally
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, in my opinion, the construction of
park
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areas
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 in free urban spaces is more important than using those territories for new apartment buildings.
For example
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, in Moscow, the
number
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 of
houses
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 built far exceeds the
number
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 of
park
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areas
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 where
people
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 can take a quiet walk and enjoy time with loved ones. Newly built
houses
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 often have private walking territories accessible only to
residents
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, leaving other
people
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 to walk among empty streets
due to
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 the scarcity of
park
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areas
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. Existing
parks
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 are often either too far from where
people
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 live or not adequately developed for safe and peaceful walks.
Parks
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 provide a piece of nature in the bustling urban life, where
people
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 can spend their leisure time. In conclusion, for a comfortable life of
city
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residents
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, it is necessary not only to build new multi-storey buildings but, first of all, to improve
park
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areas
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 where
people
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 can spend their leisure time outside, walking with their family and relaxing in nature comfortably and conveniently within the
city
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.

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task achievement
The introduction clearly states the topic and presents your opinion, which is great. However, you might want to make the opinion statement slightly more assertive. For example, you could say 'I strongly believe that urban spaces should primarily be designated for parks.'
coherence and cohesion
The essay is logically structured with clear paragraphs. To improve, consider adding more linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between ideas, especially in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant and support your points, try to provide more specific data or case studies (if available) to strengthen your arguments. For instance, referencing specific park areas in your examples could make them more impactful.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument before stating your own opinion, which is commendable.
coherence and cohesion
The use of varied vocabulary and sentence structures contributes to the overall quality of the writing, making it engaging to read.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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