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Band 4.5

Universities should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#universities #students
The current educational systems throughout the world persist
to improve
Change preposition
in improving
show examples
 the quality of education for all. There is an opinion that
expresses
Verb problem
apply
show examples
universities should accept an equal proportion of educators of each
gender
 in every course. I,
however
, disagree with
this
 view
due to
 bringing an unfair situation and nurturing incompetent persons. Generally, men are more inclined toward technical subjects
such
 as electronics and civil engineering.
While
Females
 have a great tendency to be professional in delicate subjects
such
 as fashion design or nursing which is more suitable owing to their sympathetic and maternal instinct.
Thus
, if universities accept the same number of applicants for both
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
, it would be unfair to men or
females
 who are more skilful to achieve
this
 position.
In addition
, Universities should continue to select the best candidates
according to
 their qualifications.
For example
, assume that more than 80 per cent of women tend to choose fashion as their career. If authorities eliminate 30 per cent of
females
 and
fulfil
Verb problem
fill
show examples
 with men who have a low tendency compared with the opposing
gender
, it is actually wrong
for ignoring
Change preposition
to ignore
show examples
 women students with higher talent.
On the other hand
, some subjects require
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
gender
. A good illustration of
this
 is the engineering sector with a high demand for body strength it would never be a suitable position for
females
.
similarly
, in the nursing field, girls are more appropriate because of their nature of being more concerned. In conclusion, it would be a wrong decision to register a candidate with the same percentage which brings negative consequences.
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Task Response
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the given topic and presents your opinion effectively. However, there are some points that could be strengthened.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay shows a logical structure and coherent progression of ideas. The introduction and conclusion are present, and the main points are supported. Be careful with the use of transitions to improve cohesion.
Lexical Resource
Your essay showcases a good range of vocabulary, but there are instances of imprecise word choices. Focus on using more precise and varied vocabulary to enhance your lexical resource.
Grammatical Range
Your grammatical range is quite good, but there are some errors in sentence structure and word choice. Work on using complex sentence structures and accurate word usage to improve grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • diversity
  • inclusivity
  • balanced
  • learning environment
  • opportunities
  • perspectives
  • gender stereotypes
  • fairness
  • equal opportunities
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