IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Young people learn more about good behaviour from books or films/ movies than they learn from real-life experiences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #behaviour #books #films #movies #experiences
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Youngsters experience well-behaved characteristics more from books and movies than actual experiences. I partially agree with
this
 statement.
Although
 young
people
 might learn from
people
 who are well-experienced, it might be easy to learn through examples and descriptions in books or movies. On the one hand, films and documentaries would help to teach good behavioural characteristics. To be more clear, learning with clear examples or comprehensive descriptions is preferable to talking to
people
 because of their personalities. Many teenagers might be ashamed to say something to their parents and friends, and
then
 they choose another option, which is learning by movie or book.
For instance
,
according to
 Harvard University research, 30 per cent of youngsters do not choose to practice with
people
.
Therefore
, the second choice is more common among
people
 who are in the adolescent period.
On the other hand
, real-life experiences would be a possible way to get there. To be more clear, they can learn good behavioural skills,
such
 as being polite, respectful to others, and communicative as well. By following the attitudes of their idols in everyday life.
For example
, some guests come to their relatives' homes, and at that time they talk to each other, so they see real examples
while
 they are speaking.
Consequently
,
this
 solution is
also
 a good example of learning well-behaved skills.
To sum up
, learning through documentaries or films is preferable among youngsters, but real-life experience is
also
 achievable.
Thus
, I partially agree with those statements above.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

clear comprehensive ideas
The essay could be improved by providing more in-depth examples and detailed explanations. This would help in making your ideas clearer and more comprehensive.
logical structure
Try to make your transitions between points smoother. This can help your essay flow better and make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your conclusion summarizes the main points made in the essay without adding new information.
complete response
You acknowledged both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective.
supported main points
The use of examples, such as the research from Harvard University, helps to support your main points effectively.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay is structured with an introduction and a conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: