Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

There is no doubt that the measuring scale for the
success
of a
person
is
wealth
and materialistic things. I
am disagreed
Wrong verb form
disagree
show examples
that
money
is the only
success
factor in human life.Factors of
success
vary from
person
to
person
which I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
discuss
further
in
this
essay.
Firstly
,
wealth
can not demonstrate how successful a
person
is,it depends on the goals and achievements of a
person
.
For instance
,if there is a doctor it does not matter how much
money
he has or which cars he is driving which things matter in his medical skills and how many lives he has saved
besides
this
for athletes
money
is not a
success
because
money
can not make him good athlete there are other abilities
such
as consistency, discipline, hard work,dedication and talent , rather than
money
for athlete only achievement is how many medals and trophies he had won.So,
money
and other luxuries do not make a
person
successful.
Secondly
,
wealth
makes a
person
look successful towards others but for the rich
money
is nothing.
For example
,there are a lot of people who have
money
to purchase food but can not eat
desired
Correct article usage
the desired
show examples
food
due to
different diseases
besides
this
many millionaires and even billionaires ended their lives
due to
various painful and awful diseases if
money
is successful
then
why is
money
can not by them good health? because
money
can only purchase materials
besides
this
wealth
and material all these things are left behind when a
person
dies ,so rather than preferring
wealthy
Correct article usage
a wealthy
show examples
life people should prefer
happy
Correct article usage
a happy
show examples
life.
To conclude
,
it is clear that
money
is not a scale to measure the
success
of others because they may not see
money
as
success
whereas
the
success
scale varies from
person
to
person
.
Submitted by muhammadwaleed8687 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to be clearer and more distinct. Use better transition words and phrases to improve the coherence of the essay. The logical structure and flow of ideas require improvement to enhance coherence and cohesion.
task response
The response does not fully address the prompt and lacks in demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the topic. The essay needs more focus on the specific requirements of the prompt and should present a more complete and cohesive response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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