IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity. Some people think that artists should have total freedom to express any thoughts and ideas. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#artists #amount #freedom #creativity #people #thoughts
Creativity is unquestionably one of the most prevalent and worrying aspects for every artist, and its development should be taken seriously. Despite a few issues,
such
 as a negative impact on children’s mental health, I reckon that an opportunity
of expressing
Change preposition
to express
show examples
ideas through art is the best way to raise a successful society. On the one hand, freedom of expression could influence more people to use their talent in order to create new works of art.
Firstly
, fascinating thoughts could help modern society to expand its horizons, which is crucial for the understanding of nowadays trends and various challenges.
For instance
, vital issues
such
 as war, poverty and crime could be represented by pictures, sculptures or films.
Secondly
, encouraging artists to realise new ideas would actually attract more tourists,
consequently
, it could bring some cultural and economic benefits to a country.
On the other hand
, a number of people believe that it is necessary to have strict limitations
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
 topic. A few kinds of art are definitely inappropriate for children
due to
 the fact that they could have a harmful effect on a young brain. It is known that hundreds of research is made by school psychologists in order to show the horrible impact of works, which show violence or erotic episodes on children’s mental health.
Moreover
, absolute freedom in creativity might provoke a conflict in case of impolite or disrespectful messages, so these misunderstandings should be managed.
To conclude
, despite varying opinions, I consider freedom to be an integral part of creativity,
consequently
, individuals should have absolutely no restrictions in their creation.
Submitted by sofsya.fedorenko.2001 on

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Task Achievement
The position is not clearly presented or developed. The essay does not address all parts of the task, and the examples used are not specific or relevant enough to support the ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks clear progression of ideas and cohesive devices, which makes the essay difficult to follow. Sentences are not always well-structured.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, and there is an inappropriate use of words, resulting in unclear or inaccurate expression of ideas.
Grammatical Range
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement, article usage, and word form. There are also instances of wordiness and awkward phrasing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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