Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situation. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays some individuals may think it is the best approach sometimes to face unfortunate events like an unfavourable
job
or deficit of money and make no changes. While
others may not agree with particular beliefs and try to improve these terrible conditions. This
essay will discuss both perspectives and provide my own viewpoint.
Firstly
, admitting awful circumstances is very common within some populations and they do not even try to change their life conditions. Those individuals probably faced corruption issues and that affected their perception. For example
, young people do not want to get a job
in state-owned companies, as they may face various problems such
as lack of money and poor workflow. As a result
, they do not develop or improve their skills,
but only accept the fact that conditions cannot be changed in any way.
Remove the comma
apply
Conversely
, improving your state of life and finding other ways to solve the issues has its own importance. Moreover
, some observe that changing your overall
reality can provide better wellness. To illustrate, if a person does not like their job
or holds a low position, they can take a chance and improve their skills. Also
, he can try to find an alternative to his current job
, which can improve his position and financial condition.
To conclude
, while
changing your circumstances might be terrifying and impossible for some people as in the case of police and healthcare, I believe that you should try your best and improve your current state since it can bring positive results such
as career promotion and financial stability.Submitted by 6atb8k on
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Task Achievement
Ensure that both views are explored evenly and comprehensively. Your essay seemed to focus slightly more on one perspective. Aim for balance to fully meet the task requirements.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. Your essay would benefit from real-world instances or scenarios to make your argument more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that signals the main idea to the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better coherence, use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. Moving beyond basics like 'firstly' and 'conversely' can enhance the flow of your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve cohesion, work on developing your ideas more thoroughly within paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph contains one clear main idea and expand on it with explanations and examples.