IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Conducting sports events such as Olympics or World cup encourage people to live healthy. While some people indicate that there are various other methods to remain healthy. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#sports #events #olympics #world #cup #people #methods
Hosting a national or international sports event is prestigious and considered one of the proudest achievements of any nation and its people.
Nevertheless
, It requires a significant amount of time and money for preparation by authorities and during
this
 time
country
's citizens
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
especially athletes and sports players remain upbeat and enthusiastic about their games. One school of thought considers
this
 encouraging for a healthy life
while
 others
denied
Wrong verb form
deny
show examples
 the same and suggest other ways to maintain good health. So,
this
 essay will discuss the debate and my viewpoint with supportive ideas. Indeed, nothing fascinates anyone more than having an Olympics or World Cup game in your own home
country
. It brings energy not alone to participating players and athletes but
also
 to game and sports lovers.
Moreover
, it can easily be seen, how young kids, adolescents and even adults feel encouraged and make a routine to play their games, and
therefore
 keep themselves healthy and fit.
Furthermore
, those who are not sporty change their mood and participate in different activities.
However
, it is even true that health is an independent person's responsibility and someone should not require reasons to
maintain
Verb problem
stay
show examples
 fit and fine. Truly, societies can coordinate game activities at local levels frequently, can ask neighbours for daily walks, arrange cycling or any other events in their offices and ultimately need to educate the society about keeping healthy on a regular basis. In conclusion, for the aforementioned reasons, to keep a healthy population, a
country
 does not have to conduct any international event unless authorities believe in arranging that for the
country
's benefit and in its financial capacity.
Submitted by sonyasharma01 on

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task response
The essay effectively discusses the topic by presenting both views and providing a clear opinion. However, make sure to address the opposing viewpoint more comprehensively and provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-developed, setting up the discussion and summarizing the main points effectively. Ensure a smoother transition between paragraphs for better cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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