IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree?

#teenagers #community #work #time #benefit
It is argued that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
voluntary
work
 by adolescents
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Change the word
their
show examples
 free time is a fundamental impact
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the development of the
community
. In my opinion, I completely agree that free
work
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the growth of the culture.
Firstly
,
community
work
 can
be help
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 to spread the loveness and kindness between the individuals. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other words, unpaid
work
 makes people
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
feel with others, which is being suffered from disease , worse houses, and unhealthy food. So
supportive
Correct article usage
a supportive
show examples
community
 that achieves a dramatically grow in every sector of the state.
For instance
,
Students
 in secondary school collect money from luxuriant pupils to paint neglected houses for the poorer people.
That is
 why it is important
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
community
work
Fix the infinitive
to work
show examples
, which is being built
powerful
Correct article usage
a powerful
show examples
 society.
Secondly
, the
students
 can be able to responsible on her/himself and more confident,
although
 being young age.
That is
mean
Replace the word
means
show examples
, working without fees is
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 how the
students
 begin a
subsequently
 change
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 thoughts to become more mature.
Besides
, educated teenagers by selecting different types of jobs.
For example
,
Add an article
a student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 in the
last
 stage of secondary school that was
work
varies
Replace the word
various
show examples
 types of mutual jobs
resulted
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
 in looking
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
favour
Change the verb form
favoured
show examples
 career in the future in a short time,
Lastly
, the advantages of unpaid
work
 related to the
community
 and individuals.
To sum up
, I strongly believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
charitable
work
 is essential
Add the particle
to practise
show examples
practise
Correct your spelling
practice
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
development
Replace the word
develop
show examples
 the
community
.
Submitted by maysoonmijwil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory
  • unpaid community work
  • benefit
  • responsibility
  • empathy
  • valuable skills
  • positive impact
  • community
  • social integration
  • cultural understanding
  • personal growth
  • self-confidence
What to do next:
Look at other essays: