Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Global
sugar
consumption has significantly surged over the past few years,
consequently
, leading to an increase in health problems. To mitigate
this
issue, many people advocate that drinks and food
products
that contain high
sugar
levels should be made more expensive. I strongly concur with the suggestion as I believe that high costs would discourage people from buying
such
products
. In recent years, we have observed an increase in snacking culture leading to various health problems. Empirical evidence from various studies proves that diseases
such
as obesity and diabetes have substantially increased,
furthermore
, the statistics show that the main cause of
this
rise is poor eating habits and
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle. To overcome
this
challenge, reducing
sugar
intake is paramount, and the most effective way to do so is to make it less easily available by increasing the
prices
. Increasing
prices
will make these
products
less affordable, decreasing consumption.
However
, high
prices
alone would not be efficient, the introduction of low-
sugar
alternatives at lower
prices
is
also
necessary.
For instance
, the Coca-Cola company introduced Diet
Coke
, but it was a little more expensive than regular
Coke
, so the majority of individuals preferred to continue drinking regular
Coke
as it was cost-effective. A survey was done, and the conclusion suggested that if Diet
Coke
was cheaper, more consumers would be motivated to purchase it. In conclusion, there is a dire need to bring some changes to control global
sugar
consumption, as health problems are skyrocketing. The most important step is to make the
products
with high
sugar
levels less affordable to the general public, so they have to think twice before purchasing them.
Furthermore
, introducing healthier
products
at cheaper
prices
would encourage people to make better choices.
Submitted by khushichhillar on

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task achievement
Ensure you explicitly state your viewpoint in the introduction. This will make your essay's argument clearer from the beginning.
task achievement
While your points are generally well-supported, including more varied examples or evidence could strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
You could improve the flow between paragraphs with clearer transitional phrases. This will help readers follow your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
You effectively articulated your stance and provided relevant points to support your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are strong, clearly stating your position and summarizing your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with each paragraph building on your central argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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