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Band 5.5

Art is considered an important part of our society as well as an expression of its culture. Do you think it is important for children to be taught art? Do you think children should be encourged to focus on art rather than other subject.

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Undoubtedly, art is a significant part of literature and culture in the community.
Therefore
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, craft
subjects
Use synonyms
 should be an essential part of children’s education
along with
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 determining other majors
too
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. Literature has been seen as a crucial aspect of human lives, which can include minor
subjects
Use synonyms
 like economics, finance, and political science.
However
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, guardians should have to rely on other respects as well
instead
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 of art because many students would rather have an interest in technology
subjects
Use synonyms
 as well.
Furthermore
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, there is no doubt about the importance of knowledge, and kids for gain in the art but pressuring them should not be the vital approach to
this
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 phenomenon. It is pretty reasonable in my perspective
according to
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this
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 statement.
For example
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, every child would have their own field of interest where encouraging them to learn
subjects
Use synonyms
, that they can’t find acknowledgement is insufficient.
On the other hand
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, some would have certainty in an ancient Tut, which would provide enough resources for children’s development.
For instance
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, the prospect of
this
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 effect could turn out to be pivotal where Kids can have a variety of
subjects
Use synonyms
 determining their preferences. The decision will not be beneficial for future work life and children but
also
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 society will encourage them to learn something about the craft.
In addition
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, school teachers could maintain a balance between which subject they should focus more on for kids' enhancement.
To conclude
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, separating
subjects
Use synonyms
 equally with consideration of literature subject as a major could be an excellent option to solve
this
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 argument. It seems to me that every school should
put
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 attention to all
subjects
Use synonyms
instead
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 of individually.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and coherent structure. The introduction and conclusion are present, but there is a need for a more organized and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. The main points are not effectively supported and could be better developed.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, but there is a need for more comprehensive and clear ideas. The response lacks relevant and specific examples to support the arguments. The essay would benefit from a more thorough engagement with the topic and a clearer stance on the issue.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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