IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think we should keep all the money we earn and not pay taxes to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #taxes
While
 some
people
 suppose that
people
 should not be taxpayers and keep their own fortune, I agree that paying
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 to the state is necessary. On the one hand,it is better for individuals to keep their
money
 by their side without paying
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 to the government.
People
 earn
money
 through their industrious work.
That is
, they have the right to determine how to spend the
money
.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 the
money
 given to countries is not always used correctly. Some governments waste the
money
 paid by citizens on building unnecessary infrastructures or sponsoring some companies which are already rich enough.
Therefore
, it is unfair for the
people
 who make an effort to earn
money
 cannot decide how to use the wealth.
On the other hand
, paying
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 is beneficial for the community .Without
tax
, it is difficult for governments to help some poor
people
, build public transportation,and carry on policies. Everyone in the same country has a responsibility to pay
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 to governments, and the government would spend
money
 on a variety of places to improve the whole society.
Besides
,
people
 earn
money
 not only because they are hard-working, but
also
 because they are lucky. Based on the world, most
people
 have their advantages and talents, but not all talents are useful in modern society.
For instance
, if one is good at drilling wood to make a fire, it is quite useless.
Therefore
, most of the time,
people
 gain
money
 because their talents are practical in their generation,
that is
 , they are lucky enough. Because of that, it is justice for the luckier
people
 to hand in
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 and spread the
money
 to those unluckier. In conclusion,
although
 individuals can be benefited by free- duty policy, I still agree
people
 should pay
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 to make communities better.
Submitted by hsukingg on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: