IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #message
It is true that in some cultures adults tell
children
 that if they
work
 hard for their ambition, they will probably achieve what they try for.
This
message
 has several benefits and drawbacks that will be discussed in
this
 essay. The
message
 that the elderly tell the
children
 about they have to
work
 hard for their goals to achieve what they want has many benefits.
In other words
, adults want to teach
this
message
 to
children
 “No pain, No gain”.
Firstly
, no one can be successful in any field
such
 as business,
sport
Correct word choice
or sport
show examples
 without trying hard. By showing some role models to
children
this
message
 will be vivid.
For instance
, one of the true examples of
this
message
 is Cristiano Ronaldo he shows the world with hard
work
 that everything is possible.
Secondly
,
this
message
 prevents
children
 to be spoiled because some
children
 that are nurtured in rich families achieve everything they want without any effort.
Finally
,
children
 will be independent in their life.
On the other hand
,
this
message
 has some drawbacks. One of the most important of them is that they may not enjoy their childhood because they learned to
work
 hard from a little age. So,
this
 might have a negative effect on the well-being of
children
 in some aspects because they cannot deal with the pressure of hard
work
. In conclusion,
children
 are sometimes told by adults that if they
work
 hard in anything, they may achieve what they fight for. The advantages of
this
message
 outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by shahab_e2020 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: