in many countryes around the world , rural pepole are moveing to citiyes so the population in the countrysieds is decreasing.

In the current world, we live in, especially with high developments in high prices, and economic inflation, Therefor the rural move out to the main
cities
, which causes the countryside to become emptier, In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
will dissect and show why the people leave there homes to the
cities
are a good thing, and recorded low population in the countryside have a negative output. Nowadays, a lot of people who live in rural areas are moving out, because of the low income per person contrary to the capital city the income is the highest , for ,example a family with
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
of kids and
low
Add an article
the low
show examples
income they will have financial issues with carrying the kids so the parents move out to have a good job so
thay
Correct your spelling
they
nurture their children in the highest quality in terms of education and stability.
Initially
the decreasing population in those areas
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will make the big
cities
have population congestion and that's a really bad influence, in my ,opinion the government should
focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
show examples
and
development
Replace the word
developing
show examples
the community of the rural so the can be
non-decreasing
Correct your spelling
a decrease
show examples
. In conclusion,after discussing both points
view
Change preposition
of view
show examples
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe that in the future the countryside area will be uninhabitable and will be increased in capital
cities
.
Submitted by wasanmansour33 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: