There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The curriculums at school, nowadays, are providing
students
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to gain knowledge on academic and non-academic
subjects
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.
However
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, the pupils have to deal with stress management
on
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in
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studying both
areas
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, which are considered to remove the non-academic
subjects
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from the syllabus. I strongly agree that in order to be fit as the industry needs skills,
students
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should
focus
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on academic work. Putting forward academic skills would be beneficial for
students
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to prioritize their chosen field, whether science or social
areas
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. There are plenty of job opportunities that are looking for employees in STEM, which is related to math, physics, or chemistry
subjects
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.
Hence
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, developing
students
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' capabilities in these
areas
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would be easier for them to define their careers in the future.
Furthermore
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, young people who are able to
focus
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on academics have the potential to achieve stand-out achievements at school. They can join competitions, Olympics, or even debates which are useful to increase their strength
areas
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.
Students
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at high schools,
for instance
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, could register for math competitions and
focus
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on studying their weaknesses harder.
As a result
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, they will be more competent and obtain comprehensive knowledge about math
subjects
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in that its implementation for life.
To conclude
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, the school curriculum should be evaluated as what the
students
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need to develop the main academic potential work. It can be through
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the removed
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removed
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removal
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the
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of the
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non-academic
subjects
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so that
students
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could feel less anxiety with their
focus
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.
Although
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academic
subjects
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are essential for young people, I acknowledge that classes like physical education and cookery will provide added value for
students
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' competency.
However
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, those
subjects
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can be developed as an extracurricular activity outside the primary education.
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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, your essay should address the prompt more precisely by developing a range of ideas and examples that reflect upon the importance of non-academic subjects, in addition to emphasizing academic subjects. This could involve exploring potential benefits that subjects like physical education and cookery bring to the students' overall development and critical thinking skills.
coherence cohesion
In order to improve coherence and cohesion, it is important to use a wider range of cohesive devices and topic-specific vocabulary to link ideas more naturally throughout the essay. This could involve more varied transitions to show cause and effect, contrast, and to add information. Additionally, paragraphs should be clearly separated by ideas and should all serve the clear purpose of supporting the main thesis.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion mirror each other more closely, restating your main argument in different words in the conclusion. It would also be beneficial to provide a concise summary of the main points discussed, in order to tie the essay together more conclusively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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