IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Vaccinating children against preventable diseases is not only unnecessary but also dangerous. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #diseases
Some people think that vaccinating children against preventable
diabities
Correct your spelling
diabetes
disabilities
 is dangerous
as well as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is
also
 un_necessary. I am completely against
this
 notion. As
vaccination
 protects them from death,
in addition
 to
makes
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 them have a healthy
life
. Our children's bodies are weak and need to be strong and healthy, to have the ability to
continoue
Correct your spelling
continue
this
 hard
life
.
Therefore
, by vaccinating them they will be more
adabtable
Correct your spelling
adaptable
 to
this
life
. To illustrate, Doctors
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 that when the body takes
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 about of
viruis
Correct your spelling
virus
viruses
 the white blood cells recognise these
virues
Correct your spelling
viruses
virtues
then
 the body will have the ability to get red from a
disese
Correct your spelling
disease
 that
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 from
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
viruis
Correct your spelling
viruses
.
This
 means that vaccinating our newborns is a good idea.
Additionally
,
newborns
Change noun form
newborns'
newborn's
show examples
 bodies can regenerate faster than
adults
Change noun form
adults'
adult's
show examples
. So the benefits of
vaccination
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 increased.
Besides
, these will lead to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
life
. They will live longer than before. So that productivity in our world will be increased .
For instance
, in developing there are some places where people
there
Rephrase
apply
show examples
can't
affordable
Replace the word
afford
show examples
for paying
Change preposition
to pay
show examples
 the fees of
vaccination
their
Capitalize word
Their
show examples
 children
died
Wrong verb form
die
show examples
 before turn to 5years
.
Correct word choice
old.
show examples
Therefore
,
neglating
Correct your spelling
neglecting
negating
 protecting our
new born
Correct your spelling
newborn
show examples
 from preventable
dieases
Correct your spelling
diseases
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 really dangerous for the world and their health, productivity and
life
. To explain, developed countries are made a healthy protectable program for their new generations.
Hence
, they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
live longer,
Correct word choice
and heather
show examples
heather
Correct your spelling
healthier
show examples
 than others. In conclusion, I agree with the importance of
vaccination
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 our new generation. As it gives them a healthy
life
 and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
productive one,
as well as
, makes them live a longer
life
 without being afraid of the mastery of death
Submitted by someysamanoudi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: