IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Vaccinating children against preventable diseases is not only unnecessary but also dangerous. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #diseases
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people think that vaccinating children against preventable
diabities
Correct your spelling
diabetes
disabilities
 is dangerous
as well as
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is
also
Linking Words
 un_necessary. I am completely against
this
Linking Words
 notion. As
vaccination
Use synonyms
 protects them from death,
in addition
Linking Words
 to
makes
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 them have a healthy
life
Use synonyms
. Our children's bodies are weak and need to be strong and healthy, to have the ability to
continoue
Correct your spelling
continue
this
Linking Words
 hard
life
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, by vaccinating them they will be more
adabtable
Correct your spelling
adaptable
 to
this
Linking Words
life
Use synonyms
. To illustrate, Doctors
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 that when the body takes
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 about of
viruis
Correct your spelling
virus
viruses
 the white blood cells recognise these
virues
Correct your spelling
viruses
virtues
then
Linking Words
 the body will have the ability to get red from a
disese
Correct your spelling
disease
 that
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 from
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
viruis
Correct your spelling
viruses
.
This
Linking Words
 means that vaccinating our newborns is a good idea.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
newborns
Change noun form
newborns'
newborn's
show examples
 bodies can regenerate faster than
adults
Change noun form
adults'
adult's
show examples
. So the benefits of
vaccination
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 increased.
Besides
Linking Words
, these will lead to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
life
Use synonyms
. They will live longer than before. So that productivity in our world will be increased .
For instance
Linking Words
, in developing there are some places where people
there
Rephrase
apply
show examples
can't
affordable
Replace the word
afford
show examples
for paying
Change preposition
to pay
show examples
 the fees of
vaccination
Use synonyms
their
Capitalize word
Their
show examples
 children
died
Wrong verb form
die
show examples
 before turn to 5years
.
Correct word choice
old.
show examples
Therefore
Linking Words
,
neglating
Correct your spelling
neglecting
negating
 protecting our
new born
Correct your spelling
newborn
show examples
 from preventable
dieases
Correct your spelling
diseases
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 really dangerous for the world and their health, productivity and
life
Use synonyms
. To explain, developed countries are made a healthy protectable program for their new generations.
Hence
Linking Words
, they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
live longer,
Correct word choice
and heather
show examples
heather
Correct your spelling
healthier
show examples
 than others. In conclusion, I agree with the importance of
vaccination
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 our new generation. As it gives them a healthy
life
Use synonyms
 and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
productive one,
as well as
Linking Words
, makes them live a longer
life
Use synonyms
 without being afraid of the mastery of death
Submitted by someysamanoudi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: