IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some argue that patriotism is the primary cause of wars globally. Others feel that it serves to prevent less ethical politicians from running a country and starting wars. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#argue #patriotism #wars #politicians #country
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Currently,
wars
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 have occurred between many countries.
Although
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 some claim that
patriotism
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 is one of the main factors that causes war, I believe that
patriotism
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 can protect the
country
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 from politicians who lack the morals to drive the
country
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 and seek
wars
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. The wrong concept of
patriotism
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 could lead the
wars
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.
For instance
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, in some countries,
people
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 start
wars
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 because they seek the resources that are necessary for their lives
such
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 as food, water, textiles and other important minerals. They need to fight with others
otherwise
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 other
people
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 in their
country
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 will die
due to
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 insufficient resources .
Moreover
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, some individuals enter to battle with other
people
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 of different nationalities in order to win and become the greatest
country
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 in the world. Some
people
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 believe that if their
country
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 becomes the greatest nation, they will have power over others and be able to bring prosperity to their state.
On the other hand
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, I firmly believe that the true concept of
patriotism
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 will benefit the
country
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 in several ways. The good citizens who love their
country
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 will monitor their government and politicians to ensure that they act ethically in order to develop their
country
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.
Furthermore
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, if everyone, including politicians and the leader of that
country
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, are well-intentioned to the
country
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, they will drive their
country
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 in a better way and not engage in war which can significantly cause damage to the
country
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. In conclusion, it can be considered that the incorrect idea of
patriotism
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 will lead to
wars
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.
However
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, I strongly believe that the true concept of
patriotism
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 will drive and develop the
country
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 more effectively and will definitely not lead to
wars
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.
Submitted by nattaporn.vibha on

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task response
Ensure that all aspects of the essay prompt are thoroughly addressed and discussed.
coherence cohesion
Add more transitional phrases to improve the flow and coherence of the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary by using a wider range of synonyms and expressions.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure, including the use of complex and compound sentences.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • nationalism
  • xenophobia
  • aggressive policies
  • accountability
  • diplomacy
  • national unity
  • ethical political leadership
  • extreme patriotism
  • patriotic sentiment
  • diplomatic solutions
  • internal conflicts
  • external conflicts
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