Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small. local business are unable to compete. some people think that the closure of local business will bring death of the local communities. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Development and sudden extension of
supermarkets
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
it impossible for local
businesses
to compete with them.
Moreover
, a group of individuals consider that local
businesses
' closure will have a bad impact on local
communities
.
This
essay completely disagrees that the expansion of
supermarkets
will kill smaller
communities
, owing to the advantages that
this
trend brings,
such
as a higher employment rate and its facilities.
To begin
, some
people
may think negatively about the quantity of bigger markets, but if to think deeply about the pros, it will be clear that they may be wrong. First of all,
supermarkets
need a
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
amount of employees and
that is
good for local
communities
, as they usually struggle to find a suitable and highly-paid job, which leads them to look for positions in bigger cities.
As a result
, the problem of unemployment gets tackled. The latest interview of dwellers of Salisbury by CBC UK shows that 68.5% of local
people
had difficulties with finding a job before bigger companies opened their branches there. The second advantage brought by the expansion of
supermarkets
is comfort. In
this
context comfort may be understood differently, it includes better price-to-quality ratio, bigger choice of goods, sales and so on. It is obvious that local
businesses
cannot provide
people
with
this
opportunity.
Furthermore
, local
businesses
sell goods at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
price which is higher than the price offered in bigger shops. A recent interview by CNN demonstrates that 120 of 150
people
prefer to shop in
supermarkets
rather than local
businesses
,
due to
the comfort and opportunities provided.
To conclude
,
although
many
people
think that the closure of local
businesses
and the opening of
supermarkets
instead
will affect local
communities
negatively,
this
essay definitely disagrees with that idea, as bigger shops provide better facilities and solve the unemployment problem.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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task achievement
Expand on the counterargument to provide a more balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas in your paragraphs.
task achievement
Clear and relevant examples are provided to support the main points.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your position.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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