IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Fewer young people play sports these days. Why is this? What can be done to encourage more young people to do sports?

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Nowadays, a limited number of children are interested in outdoor
games
Use synonyms
. They keep themselves busy with various gadgets or screens at their homes, and
that is
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 why, they do not want to play outside. To solve
such
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 a big issue,
schools
Use synonyms
 and parents must encourage pupils to participate in physical activities by altering their routines.
To begin
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 with, today’s mankind is busy running in a money-making race, and
as a result
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, people are ignoring how their youngsters are spending their time.
Consequently
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,
this
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 new generation is taking more interest in electronic entertainment like mobile, TV, virtual
games
Use synonyms
, and videos. Owing to
this
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 fact, we could not see many children on the streets like before. In my village,
for instance
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, a decade ago there was a playground that was always occupied by kids, but today I can see young people from the area are busy with mobile
games
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 and that playground remains empty. To overcome
this
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 problem, the government should impose a strict playing hour rule on every educational institute in the country.
Additionally
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, an awareness campaign, about the importance of sport for kids, could help to persuade parents to be involved in their minor's activities.
In other words
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, if
schools
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 and guardians decide to focus on stimulating the urge to play sports inside students
then
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 there could be a massive change in attitude towards playing sports. In Argentina,
for example
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,
schools
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 are extending their school time to adjust an hour for the encouragement of a football game, and positive results are showing up in the nation.
To conclude
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,
due to
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 technical advancements, pupils are turning more towards virtual
games
Use synonyms
 rather than actual sports. The regime should think about the compulsion of physical playtime in
schools
Use synonyms
, and parents should support them by asking their sons/daughters to play on the field
instead
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 of on the mobile screen.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and balanced presentation of ideas throughout the essay to maintain coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Expand on the supporting examples to further strengthen the argument.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure variety and accuracy to enhance clarity and coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • engagement
  • incentives
  • obesity
  • recreation
  • well-being
  • peer pressure
  • physical fitness
  • endurance
  • balance
  • teamwork
  • coordination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • discipline
  • facilities
  • accessible
  • affordable
  • curriculum
  • extracurricular
  • inclusion
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